The Woman I Want to Be

I had some giggles on Sunday.  I was sitting in a restaurant with a friend of mine, when I noticed these three little girls, aged about 7 or 8 years old, making passes of our table and whispering.  I realised they were trying to sneak looks at the tattoos on my feet, which are flowers on the top of each foot (lotus on the left, pansy on the right).  After about the 5th pass, as they got close enough to our table, I turned over my left arm and said “Here, look at this one.” and showed them the bluebird tattoo on the inside of my left arm.

Their eyes were like saucers, and the little blonde poppet that was the one who was showing her friends my foot tattoos said “WHOA!!  AWESOME!!”

It was a delight to see them so impressed by my ink.

A few weeks earlier, another friend of mine had a barbecue, and as I don’t drive and he lives all the way on the other side of town, he offered to come and pick me up.  He and his two wee daughters (I think they’re 6 and came to get me, and we drove the 45 or so minute drive back to his place.  When we got out of the car at his house, the younger of the two girls came up to me and said “Excuse me…?” in that cute way little kids have.  I replied “Yes honey?” to which she gave a huge sigh and said “I LOVE tattoos!”  Every now and then she and her sister would come up to me and investigate one or more of my tattoos, and at one point the older of the two announced to me that she loved purple hair.  Yes, I have purple hair as well as tattoos.

I’m in yr restaurant/house, corrupting yr children.

One of my friends who is over a decade younger than myself and I were talking about the whole thing of women we admired when we were kids, or were younger women, and it got me thinking about the fact that now, in my late 30’s, I am of the age group that can be of influence to other young girls and women.  It led me to think about the women who I admired when I was a young.  I remember that I loved any woman who was “different”.  I loved artistic women, or outspoken women, alternative women.  Still do.  I admired women who were smart, outspoken, kind, funny, well travelled, well read, individual women.  I wasn’t inspired by the picture perfect supermodel (after all, I was a teen in the golden age of supermodels), but was inspired by the quirky women, the ones who were more than just famous or known for being beautiful.

The first woman I idolised was my childhood teacher librarian, Miss Stubbs.  I thought she was fabulous, and what I remember is how smart and well read she was.  The first famous woman I remember being inspired by was Barbra Streisand.  I loved her in comedic roles when I was a small kid.  Hello, Dolly!, The Owl and the Pussycat, Funny Girl.  She was funny and loud and talked really fast, and she looked beautiful, but in her own way – not like all the other women I saw on TV or in the magazines.  As I got older, the women that influenced me were the same – strong, confident, outspoken, talented women.  In my own life, famous women and fictional women.  Annie Lennox, two more school librarians (the latter of the two was a formidable little woman, intelligent, fierce and outspoken, with a huge booming voice that didn’t seem to fit her tiny stature), a schoolfriend’s mother who had a loud laugh and a cheeky sense of humour, Aretha Franklin, Tank Girl, Sarah from Labyrinth, Anne of Green Gables, Tori Amos, k d lang, Dolly Parton, the saucy, 65+ woman in Florida who I befriended online over a common adoration of William McInnes…  All women who are outside of the box as far as traditional values for women are concerned.

Sometimes, being a fat, outspoken, feminist, intelligent, tattooed and (currently) purple haired woman is difficult.  I’m told I’m not feminine, too emotional, too argumentative, think too much, talk too much/loud, laugh to loud, too passionate am too outlandish, too wild… a freak.  Sometimes the criticism gets so loud that I have a moment where I think it would be easier to try to fit into the mold of what women are expected to be – pretty, quiet, compliant, not too outlandish or different, pleasing.  I get worn down by the fight, and think it would be easier to give up.

But then a little girl in a restaurant thinks I’m awesome because I’m different.  Or a younger girlfriend tells me that the fact that I am accepting of myself, despite my body that isn’t what bodies are supposed to look like makes her feel better about herself.  Or I meet an older woman who says “I wish I had the courage to speak up like you do.”  A friend’s daughter learns from me that happiness is not about being compliant, being pleasing, being quiet.

These moments happen, and I remember that as I grow older and stronger and more confident in myself, I am an example for other women.  In my own way, I can show other women and girls that they are valuable, valid human beings with much to contribute to the world.  I think about where I would be if I didn’t have women who were outside of the norm, who took that criticism and were themselves anyway, despite the heat they got for it.

That’s the woman I want to be.

[Via http://fatheffalump.wordpress.com]

Asthma – How to Protect Your Child When the Steroid Inhaler Fails

According to an article published by WebMD, a new study by the National Institute of Health examined the effectiveness of step-up asthma treatment among children who continue to experience asthma attack on steroid inhalers.

Researchers concluded that the success of the step-up treatment varies depending on the population of children. The study focused on 182 children between the ages 6 and 17. All of the children enrolled in the study experienced asthma attacks despite regular steroid treatment. In this population, the following drugs were used: long-acting beta-agonists (LABAs), leukotriene-receptor antagonist (LTRA), and increased doses of inhaled steroids. According to the article:

The drugs with the best chance of success – 45% – are long-acting beta-agonists (LABAs)… . But safety concerns limit the use of these agents, the best known of which are Serevent and Foradil and the combination products Advair and Symbicort. About 30% of kids, the study found, do best either with a leukotriene-receptor antagonist (LTRA, brands include Accolate, Singulair, and Zyflo) or by doubling the dose of the child’s current inhaled steroid medication.

Although the study did not reveal a clear winner, researchers were able to identify the following correlations:

Hispanic and non-Hispanic white children were most likely to have the best response to LABA and least likely to have the best response to doubling inhaled steroid dosage. Black children were equally likely to have the best response to LABA or doubling inhaled steroids and less likely to have the best response to LTRA. Children who did not have eczema were most likely to have the best response to LABA.

Contributing author: Jon Stefanuca

[Via http://nashandassociates.wordpress.com]

Just Breathe

~I know I discuss medication quite a bit on this blog, but it is a huge part of the treatment my son receives…

As I mentioned back on March 10th, he was going to start a third antipsychotic drug called Loxapine. It was to replace the Moban gradually, which is being taken off the market this June. At first, I was concerned about him taking three different antipsychotic drugs at the same time. He has had sensitivity to many in the past – including being hospitalized with tardive dyskinesia after taking Risperdal.

So, the thought of three separate drugs like this made me nervous.

We were assured it was okay, and were told to watch for the obvious ‘ticks’ and ‘tremors’.

It was impossible to find a pharmacy that carried it, and it had to be ordered… We finally started the Loxapine on Tuesday.

Ever since then, I’ve noticed as he’s laying down watching TV, or just relaxing that his cheeks have been turning bright red. He doesn’t have a fever, he just seems a bit ‘out of it’ with really red, flushed cheeks. At first I didn’t think too much about it. I wondered if maybe he was getting sick, though this wasn’t a typical symptom of a cold or flu.

. . .

Tonight was when I panicked.  As we were eating dinner, I kept reminding ‘please chew with your mouth closed’. He looked up at me and said, “Mom, I can’t breathe, it’s really hard.” – Usually he tells me that his nose is stuffy – or something to that effect at dinner when I ask to close his mouth when he’s chewing, but this was different. There was something about the tone of his voice that made me worry.  I asked him if his nose was stuffy, expecting him to say yes. Instead, he grabbed his chest and said, “no, I can’t breathe. It feels really tight. I just can’t catch my breath.” It was obvious he was struggling to breathe.

I had him lay down on the couch while I called his doctor.

. . .

About twenty minutes later, his psychiatrist called me back. I explained to him what was going on. He told me to stop giving Nick the Loxapine immediately. It was an obvious reaction, (allergic? – I don’t know.) He said that it sounded like respiratory depression.

I mentioned that I had heard about interactions with his meds especially the Lithium. Most of the medication he is on does NOT combine well with Lithium. Here is what I discovered Loxapine:

{Found on: http://www.minddisorders.com/}

Precautions

Persons taking Loxapine should not stop taking this medication suddenly. The dosage should be gradually decreased over time. Loxapine should not be combined with other agents that depress the central nervous system, such as antihistamines, alcohol, tranquilizers, sleeping medications, and seizure medications.

Side effects

Rare side effects, but ones that need to be reported immediately to a doctor, include seizures, breathing difficulties, irregular heartbeat, significant changes in blood pressure, increased sweating, severe stiffness, extreme weakness, and unusually pale skin. These symptoms are considered an emergency, and the patient should stop using the medication immediately. More common but less serious side effects include uncontrolled movement of the arms or legs, lip smacking, unusual movements of the tongue, puffing of the cheeks, and uncontrolled chewing movements. These symptoms should also be reported immediately to a doctor.

* THIS IS WHAT IS SAYS ABOUT TAKING IT WITH LITHIUM! *

Interactions

Loxapine should not be combined with anticholinergic drugs because of the potential of decreased antipsychotic effects. Loxapine should not be combined with bromocriptine because the combination can decrease the effectiveness of bromocriptine in patients with pituitary tumors. The combination of loxapine with lithium increases the toxicity of both drugs significantly and should not be combined. The combination of the two has produced very low blood pressure, severe drowsiness, and respiratory depression in rare cases.

. . .

Nick’s doctor agreed that it was damaging to him. He tried explaining to me how each of the drugs he’s on is filtered through his body, and which organs process what… When I told him my concern about the Lithium/Loxapine interaction, he said that the Lithium is processed through his kidneys, and it is the only drug that is. Then, he said it didn’t sound like ‘a break-down of the kidneys, but the cardiovascular system’. – HIS HEART!  He didn’t elaborate much more. He started talking about the medications again, telling me to stop the Loxapine, and so on, and to call if there were any more changes, etc…

This is all incredibly scary. I know there are risks with every medication out there. Even over-the-counter meds. However, were talking about something that is hurting – not helping his brain and his heart. That terrifies me! I keep listening to him in his room sleeping, and I feel as I did when he was baby – going in every so often just to ‘check on him’. I honestly do not think I’ll be able to sleep tonight. Thankfully, he’s off the medication, and hopefully he’ll be ‘right as rain’ tomorrow.

[Via http://walkoneggshells.wordpress.com]

Under my skin?

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” Neil Gaiman

If you have ever been in love, and it was the real McCoy, then you would agree that Mr. Gaiman is right to the dot.  When you truly love someone, you give them a piece of you, you become  your most vulnerable self and you do that for life.  Look at parents and their children.  What is the purest form of love if not that? And how that love hijacks us and takes us to places we never thought we would venture. Who in their childless years could ever dream of the sacrifices, unconditional love and care we give those ungrateful short people who take it all for granted and repay us with little more than contempt? But do we stop? Not on your life. We usually don’t, unless we are really not okay.

When we love another human, we do the same thing, we give them our all, we wrap our world around them, we remove all our defenses and armadillo shells, we are as naked as the day we were born and definitely as vulnerable. I am here, defenseless, yours, come kill me, or worse – abandon me, or worse still-don’t love me back .  I draw a lot of parallels between the romantic kind of love and love of parents of children. I don’t see the difference in intensity and the length the lover is prepared to go for the sake of the well being and happiness of the loved one. It is one of the yet to be fully explained enigmas of our world. This thing called love. What we wouldn’t do for it, and what we would do in its name.

Until we understand what makes a heart love so much, and who knows maybe it is not our heart that loves, but our spleen, liver, ears, eyes, toes, neck, skin, knees. We conveniently burdened our hearts with the full responsibility of love, owing to the fact that our pulse races and our heart seems to work extra hard when we love. But what if there is so much more of us at work loving away, silently, quietly in the dark, making us adore whoever our knees choose to adore for example. Why should our heart be given all the credit, and suffer the fall out for the choice of our love?  I think the eyes have lots to do with it, seeing, reading, watching a loved one. Our ears, falling in love with their musical voice, their words, their sighs. Our mind, futile in its battle to tell us it can’t work, and our skin winning every time. We have a lover go under our skin-our largest organ, without permission, we just are inflicted with their presence within our dermis-sometimes deep in our epidermis, but these are extreme cases of love that is so strong, it survives cremation.

Why? Why do we love? Why do we base so much on love? Why can’t we be a thinking unfeeling race making choices and basing decisions on calm and cold calculations? Do we really have a chance of becoming the ultimately rational species that we imagine the future us becoming-much like humans in sci fi movies. I will research that, and when I find out more about our possible conversion of a society ruled by our cerebrum, I will definitely let you know. I will write the shortest blog post about it. Rationality is super efficient and brief. x+y=z. Oh, the fun of that. I’m sure you can’t wait.

In a shisha place so not thinking about rationality

[Via http://brigittekm1.wordpress.com]

The Most Interesting Novel I Read

Sherlock Holmes is back! is most interesting novel I have ever read.it is very popular among the children of  Sri Lanka.the late author Sir.Author Conaldoil is the writer of this novel.it was published in the former decay but it is so popular even now.I got it as a present.There fore  I love to read it again and again.we can buy it for RS.250.00.in sri lankan  book shop.but this novel worth more.

when I get free time I like to read it.The episods are interesting.The main character is Sherlock Holmes is a best and best man.all of Sherlock Holmes stories are end happily.I think every school child of Sri Lanka,london must read this novel.

[Via http://anupamunasinghe.wordpress.com]

Traveling with children, Travel jokes

That's nice to have the kids when you travel, you must open your eyes to a discovery far more than knowledge. When you bring your children on the road, not just that they are close to your heart, but this child, he certainly knows more about the world around him or her.

Well, when the children you must be prepared, because as we know, who have special needs and we will respond tosuch needs. With the tips provided below, it would surely help you get yourself prepared for the entire travel.

You have to bring with you some of the most useful things you could sun visors“>carry with you as you travel and as you reach destinations:

· Band-Aids

· antiseptic hand gel

· small tissue packs

· sun screen

· Dr.’s phone numbers

· Tylenol – children’s & adults

· a rubber door stop can provide extra security for a hotel room door

· small plug in nightlight – to help find the bathroom in the middle of the night

* These things re for the activities you could have together in order not get bored and to get their attention fully

· Crayons

· mechanical pencils

· highlighter – good for word search games

· paper

· deck of I’m grateful to have survived everything that I have come through. All that had the potential to become of me that never did, all of those terrible situations that I was able to escape from. The fact that I was able to keep some spark of hope and dreams alive during the younger years, and that I wasn’t permenantly damaged by the events in my older ones. I’m grateful that my heart has not always lead me astray, but has often saved me, through the sheer power of its will.

9) I am grateful for the great diversity of our planet, and I’m grateful when I have the energy and the foresight to plan ahead and then be able to witness this diversity in action. I’m grateful for my travels, for what I see while I’m away, for what I survive, the close calls I escape, the awe, inspiration, and spirituality I feel. I am grateful for the presence of God in my darkest hours.

These are 9 things. I’m glad I put a limit on this, otherwise, I think I would have been able to get into a very detailed list. I was able to attach some things on the tails of others, but all in all, I have a lot to be thankful for, or grateful for, and these are probably just a handful of them.

What are you grateful for today? Can you make a list if your own? Does it make you feel better to have that down in front of you, to see the good things about your life, amongst whatever else you’re dealing with? Does it bring back good memories for you? Does it make you feel like there is a life worth living? Does it make you feel like your life has already been worth something, something other than what you thought it might have been? Do you feel like, with things like this, with possibilities like this, with things to be grateful for, you can make it through whatever your troubles are? They can be the smallest things possible. Like the fact that I am so utterly grateful for my ability to love and appreciate music – because making it or listening to it, music has saved my life, many, many times. Whatever you’re grateful for, I can only hope it multiplies and spreads and grows, into a million more things for you to love about your life.

[Via http://sundaygrace.wordpress.com]