Saturday, October 31, 2009

smart fit park

I caught a glimpse of this on TV (yes, I get the irony) …it’s an interactive video learning/activity game for kids, kinda like a Wii Fit but geared for a pre-school audience.  The kid, with a movement pad on which they stand, marches, runs, skips and jumps their way through various activities displayed on screen.  It’s like a virtual park.  They even get to customize their own avatar!

Alright, the exclamation mark after avatar really isn’t needed, but I was only trying to stress the silliness of it all.  It is silly isn’t it?  I mean, having your child simulate playing in a park instead of actually playing in one?  Or is it me?  I can see the use for older, shut-in types of people, but for kids?  Certainly, I see the connection to ‘real life’ by designing a game that ties the thrill of video/computers into the increasingly sedentary lifestyle of today’s youth in an attempt to get them active once again …but isn’t this a little over the top?  Shouldn’t someone have stepped back and looked at the obvious; ‘We’re designing a toy that simulates a playground so that the child doesn’t have to actually go to one’ …or something like that?

I have a better game idea …it’s called “Unplug the TV!”  You and your child get in front of your TV set and while it’s showing a favorite show, go behind it and pull the plug.  Neat hey!?  You get to stand there for a few minutes in the erie silence that now fills the room, until one of you finally offers up a suggestion for doing something real.  Maybe go outside?  Bike?  Walk?  Throw leaves at each other?  Invent a game?  Something!?  I’m sure that one of you will figure out something and in no time you’ll both be happier for not only doing something together, but for doing something real as well.  Heck, if you went to a real park you might even be able to make some new friends …imagine that.  Of course …the TV game will probably allow you to make your own friends as well.  So maybe that’s not a great idea.

Maybe I’m picking nits or something.  Maybe.  And of course the makers of the product would never endorse their game as a substitute for real activity.  The thing is though, providing an indoor simulation of an outdoor activity to a naturally active child is not doing the family any favours.  Kids are not bumps on logs …but parents, who may otherwise be busy, might reasonably expect this product to occasionally provide their kid with playparky goodness in lieu of the real thing.  It’s sad but true …so why even present the opportunity?

Smart?  Not really.
Fit?  Nope.
Park?  Definitely not.

Image from the FIsher-Price store.

Boo

This treat is for you, we hope you enjoy. The idea is simple, one we hope you employ. You pass “BOO” along to two other neighbors. Along with any kind of Halloween favors. If we all do our part, and spread the good cheer, By Halloween night it will be very clear, We’re a friendly bunch, we like to share fun So please do your part to keep “BOO” on the run! . Samhain/Halloween Blessings “Help Save Our Mother Earth” http://twitter.com/ICareDoYou http://helpsaveourmotherearth.com http://myspace.com/helpsave0urmotherearth http://blogs.myspace.com/helpsave0urmotherearth

Thursday, October 29, 2009

The Benefits of Reading

This is a great article by Daniel Belcher…

For many, reading has many benefits that continue to enhance their lives. Their lives are bettered in some the following ways: mentally, spiritually and sociality. Also, if we develop a habit reading will we become more confident and self assured in abilities to comprehend and understand all types of information. Let’s further examine some of the benefits of reading.

One of the other main benefits of reading is that it exercises your mind. Your mind begins to bend and flex mentally, It stays lose and limber so to you can flow easier through the course of the day. The regular routine ensures that the reading muscle stays in good shape as well as the mind. Just like physical exercise, there has to be a determination to make reading part of your life. If you understand the many benefits of reading, you will have no trouble adopting a regular habit of reading.

Reading has other benefits to the regular reader which is the ability to focus. When the mind is trained and channeled, it begins to pay attention more thoroughly. For example, when you are faced with some of life’s difficult and challenging assignments, you will have the ability to stay calm and objectively look at the problem, circumstances or required task. If you continue to read, you continue to stay focused; bottom line.

There is perhaps no greater avenue to learning then through reading. All people, great and small, have learned more things by reading then practically anywhere other way. When we continue to read, we have the ability to expand our minds tremendously. We review the pages of knowledge left by those who came before us. We than begin to add to the knowledge as the cycle of humanity continue. The regular routine reading has positively chanced the course many peoples’ lives.

Finally, when we develop a practice a habit of reading, we are building solid foundation on which to build. This foundation of reading will allow us to accomplish many goals and ambitions we have for our lives. Our habit of continuing to read helps to ensure we will continue to succeed. Reading has a long and distinguish track record for establishing positive and lasting benefits to humanity.

I retired from United States Navy in 2003, after serving over 21 years of enlisted active duty onboard several different ships and a few shore assignments. I am married. My wife and I have two daughters. We have two dogs, Chow Chow’s, to be exact. I have a Bachelor of Science degree in Liberal Arts (Focus area Psychology) from Excelsior College class 2004.

What are you doing to make reading an integral part of your life (and the life of your children?)?

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Daniel_Belcher

Photo Credits: moriza (Creative Commons license on Flickr)

St. Timothy's Students on the New School

Our plans were to ask a few of the students what they thought of the school. Thanks to their vigor we ended up with a mob of children ready to tell us how excited they were about the number of toilets. Amazing since it was mere bricks when they saw it! Afterward, James was telling us that some of them wanted to have class in it before it was even completed.  A few wanted to go live in the construction site.  Wow.

-Bryce

_________
To read about my moments and people between the work, check out my personal blog at: neitherherenorthere.org

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

a tuesday with snow on top...

Today and yesterday I’ve been able to be a stay at home mom, literally. Adair hasn’t felt well enough to go to school, she’s tired and has some aches, and she’s congested, but most of all, she’s just tired. I’ve been reading up on the H1N1 and wondering if she has that or some other type of random virus. Interesting reading it was though, let me tell you. I learned there is a class of individuals that is known by the smarty pants community of immunologists as the “superspreaders” and surprise surprise, school aged children are in that group, along with their well meaning parents or guardians. Superspreaders, sounds generous doesn’t it? Not so much if it’s talking about viruses. Another term I learned was about your “herd immunity”, which is where if the elementary school does a school-wide vaccination for all the children, then we as adults even if we haven’t been immunized would receive benefit because of us residing in the same herd as those who did get the vaccination. Interesting isn’t it? Another new thing I learned is that there is a whole subset of people (earlier noted smarty pants people) who in their spare time are “flu trackers” and they study the immunology, and waves of illness. Isn’t that interesting? Did you know that the illnesses come in waves? H1N1 has. Wave 1 occurred early last spring, and we are now joyfully entering Wave 2. Fun! I hope I don’t catch the wave, I’m really not that much of a surfer.

Anyway, today there was snow, and my little girl is resting. I’m on the computer logging the moment into record so that we all know it occurred. Tuesday. Girl. Sick. Snow. Home. Love. It’s all there for you, just not necessarily in that order.

I’m home… where I feel like I was meant to be. Tomorrow though, I’ll find the courage to return to work, knowing at least that it means if I do, that my little girl feels all better.

Stick Stickly

Write to me, Stick Stickly, PO Box 963, New York City, New York State, 10108….!!!!!!

Stick Stickly! He was the mascot of many a Nickelodeon summer of my youth. He was always excited and upbeat. Encouraging and determined. Not to mention, he wanted me to be his friend…I mean he DID give me his address.

Stick Stickly (as much of early Nickelodeon does) deserves a second look for a number of very important reasons. First, Stick Stickly was “green” WWWAAAAYYYY before it was trendy. Sure, we knew about recycling way back when. Unfortunately, in the States, not too many people had really picked up on it during Stick Stickly’s hey day. Yet there He was. Stick Stickly could have been thrown in the trash after whatever treat he had been  melted away but he wasn’t. He was instead recycled and reused. Not so much reduced….he gained a face.

A recycled popsicle stick that was the perfect emcee for a children’s television network. I’m sure he knew that he had a network to promote but he was concerned about childhood obesity long before the current epidemic. He promoted going out and playing but didn’t judge during those times when you just wanted to sit and watch some shows. Also, he promoted shows that incorporated activeness and education even in the summer. Legends of the Hidden Temple anyone? Yes, Stick Stickly was concerned with the health of the bodies and minds of children.

Possibly the best thing about Stick Stickly comes from the fact that he was a popsicle stick. Programming today is full of 3D, warp speed, animated, CGI, ADD advancing hullabaloo.  Stick Stickly probably wouldn’t cut it anymore because he had no part in that. Stick Stickly was simple and he fostered creativity and innovation. Unless your child is that little girl on the Windows 7 commercials he or she would probably have a hard time making the host of any of their programming at home. Not so when Stick Stickly reigned supreme, kids could make him at home and in the process allow their imagination wheels to roll unchecked and free.

Stick Stickly was down to earth and genuinely cared about the programming he was made to promote and about the audience that watched it. He deserves a second look.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Let's Talk Vaccinations

Just a moment.

I really don’t get vaccinations. I never have. I know some of you will be boiling after you read this. But I also know some of you will be secretly nodding your heads.

Vaccinations have been touted to be one of Medicines Mondern Marvels. Parents are made to feel that they are putting their children in jeopardy if they don’t vaccinate. This is a shame.

What parent honestly wants to inject POISONS in their children. And infants, my goodness!

Yes, vaccines contain poisons. Are parents really informed about them? Did you know that not only are the viruses in the vaccines dangerous to you but that they are preserved in known carcinogens (cancer causing agents?)

Not just parents, but everyone is blindly running to the clinics to try to get the Swine Flu vaccination. I just read in the paper today that it was declared a national emergency because 1000 people have died in the U.S.

Okay, let’s put this into perspective. I saw some statistics on my state and it said approximately 72 people die from the regular flu season every year. Well if we were to assume that the other 50 states have a similar rate, if I’m correct that is about 3600 deaths annually.

Now let’s discuss something else. Why in the world would we give a live virus to the “most vulnerable?”  The officials are saying that the swine flu vaccine is being given to the most vulnerable. I’m saying that is crazy! Since they are the most vulnerable then they are also the most vulnerable to have adverse reactions to it!

Lets think about this people. Do not follow everyone else to the slaughter house. Run!

If you want facts and true informed consent please visit www.NVIC.org   This  is the National Vaccine Information Center based in Washington D.C. They advocate informed consent. Check out their website to get all the facts.

Promoting Happy Healthy Families,

Jenny B.

P.S. If you still feel afraid not to get vaccinated, find a naturopathic doctor. They offer natural vaccine alternatives. These are safe and non-toxic.


Fall fun...

I haven’t had the opportunity to spend a lot of time taking pictures of anyone but my immediate family in a while. So when everything worked out perfectly (weather included) to get together with a friend and her daughter for a few fall shots, I was pretty excited. We had a great time, which included a bit of dumpster climbing and laying on the ground with my little Miss in the sling trying to get good angles. We also had my boys along for the fun, so in all it was a pretty big group of us!

Here’s a little peak…

And here is Quinn with his twin (from another mother…lol) S. Although there is 18 months difference between them, they could easily be twins. Miss S definitely rules the relationship though!

Saturday, October 24, 2009

A Saturday for Me

I feel a bit useless at work today. I don’t mean that in a down-and-out depressing way. LOL It’s just a fact, and one not unusual to Saturdays. I’m here making up hours from having to leave work early a few times this past week for various reasons, and it’s just really slow around here. It’ll be like this on the weekends for the rest of the year, I’m certain. It’s the seasonal way of the local hotels around here.

I was going to completely clean out the sales office today, but one of the desk clerks has set up camp in there doing her online college work. It’s not a big deal. That office is nothing that can’t wait until I can get back in there on Tuesday, when she’ll be off work. That was just my plan to keep me busy today. Guess I’ll stay busy Tuesday instead.

I got all my birthday shopping done for my son and my niece last night. My niece is turning FOURTEEN!!!! Oh my gawds!!! Wow. She’s SUCH a teenager now. So, I thought in terms of a teenage mind and got her a little ‘goody bag.’ I bought her a new louffa sponge, some bonbon lip gloss, clear and light pink nail polish and a compact pink wallet. I told my sister about it today, and she thinks she’ll like it.

For Layne, I got him four new pairs of pajama pants, two sweaters (he still likes getting new clothes), an Inside Bowser’s Story DS game, and the Battleship boardgame. Patrick got him some safety goggles and some ear muffs, since Layne has started shooting his pellet and bb guns. I was really worried about being able , tooto spoil him a little this time, because his dad hasn’t been able to pay the $100 every two weeks in child support he supposed to, but this time he did, and I am sooooo thankful for that! Layne is going to have a great birthday now, and he’s still got my family and Patrick’s family to go through for gifts. I was by no means spoiled as a child, and I am so glad my Layne is able to get a little taste of what that can be like.

My niece’s bday is Sunday, and Layne’s and my mom’s are on Monday. Mom is wanting some new house slippers, so that’s what I’m going to look for this evening for her.

I knew I had to be at work at least by 9:30 this morning to get a decent amount of hours in, but I was bad last night and gulped down four Kahlua Mudslides and took two Benadryl afterward. Both of the kids were gone last night, Layne to his dad’s and Evelyn to Patrick’s mom’s, so needless to say, I kinda over slept this morning. What was really bad about that was that we just now got the payroll checks this morning (before I got here) which were supposed to come yesterday. So, there were people waiting on getting their money in the banks before they closed today. It worked out though. I got here well in time for that, and everyone has their money now. YAY!!

Tomorrow we’re going to my sister’s house in El Dorado to celebrate all the birthdays together and to have lunch. I worked all day yesterday and shopped till late last night. Today, I’m obviously working and have to finish shopping tonight, and doing some cleaning, and tomorrow I have to go down there and then do some more cleaning. Needless to say, it’s going to be a very busy weekend throughout for me. That’s okay, though. Ever since starting back on my meds and them getting good into my system, I’ve been feeling much better, with a better mood and more energy. So I’m really up for anything. OH! And, I’m supposed to go see my dearest Sydney this evening! I’m terribly excited about that!

Well, I’m sitting outside on the front bench while I type this, taking a nice little quick break, and now the battery on my comp is going down. So I’d better get back in. I’m craving another swing of my cherry coke, anyway.

I hope everyone has a wonderful rest of the weekend!! Until next time!!

Sports

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Thursday, October 22, 2009

That's One Cute Hero

What 4 yr old little boy doesn’t wish he was a super hero?  With Halloween just around the corner I thought it would be fun to pull out my camera and photograph my nephew here, as he was over recently playing.  He often brings his super hero clothes over to my place, keeps them in a bag somewhere just in case!  Cuz you never know when you’re gonna need a hero!     

How to get your boyfriends or girlfriends password or see his/her chat logs or received and sent messages on facebook, MSN etc

For all those people who want to find out if your partner is cheating or the password to your partner’s facebook/myspace/e-mail/msn and other. Or if you are a parent worrying about what your kid might be doing at the computer behind closed doors.

Business going bad? Time to check up on your employees surfing habits. But how to do this, without getting caught trying to get some information?

Keep reading, I have the solution for all of you people.
I chose to introduce you to a keylogging/surveillance program after finally finding the tool that will give myself some answers to questions regarding my own relationship. I have searched for quite a long time and thought that there just aren’t any effective programs out there yet. But I found out that there is, it’s called All In One Keylogger, I gave it a try and I was honestly said frightened about the information it is able to collect, it will give you the answers to all your questions and suspiciousness.

With this program everything is possible, from getting a password to any community site, e-mail or forums and seeing all chat logs or messages – to recording microphone sounds (cybersex or the chat with another person and even webcam activity! (Both the own persons and a possible strangers webcam if he/she is watching naked teenagers behind your back). And best of all: you will have PROOF of what you have seen, which you obviously wont if you just suspect something without this program.

The program fits for:

a) People in a relationship
b) Business administration, finding out what your employees do when they “work”
c) Parents who want to keep track of their kids.

From their homepage you can read about the futures of All In One Keylogger, as I find it a bit pointless to copy paste whole production info page. Don’t be scared off by the word keylogger, YOU are the master of the program, only you will ever have control of the logs, pictures and audio that it monitors. Below is a lot of information about the features and what the program does, I recommend to read it in order to get a idea about the program.


Product Website:
http://www.plimus.com/jsp/redirect.jsp?contractId=1682768&referrer=Niar

 

I chose to speak more about my personal experiences of the program instead of talking about all the futures, those can all be found by following the link above to the product site.


What does All In One Keylogger do?

All In One Keylogger logs all keystrokes and passwords that have been typed into crypted files on your computer, it tracks all windows and applications that have been launched, clipboard, chat conversations (sent and received), all Web sites that have been visited, e-mails sent and received.

You can set it to take screen snapshots every few seconds or on each mouse click, just like a surveillance camera. It can also record Microphone sounds and restrict the access to specified Web sites and applications if wanted. It can even be set up to send these logs to your e-mail or FTP for tracking when you are away!

Personally I hate it the times I get the feeling in my stomach that something might be going on when I’m away from my partner, this is the solution to get rid of the paranoia, or to get proof for your suspicions. It snaps up all usernames and passwords into the very easily readable log viewer supported in the All In One Keylogger program. And maybe even more importantly you can set it up to take screen snapshots every few seconds and view the pictures later. I chose to divide the potential usage areas into different categories, you might wonder what the All In One Keylogger could be good for, I’ll tell you.

Relationship:
In the survey that took place in United States in the year of 2005 which includes married couples only, 56% of the participants of the survey said that during their marriage they had at least one sexual encounter with a person that is not their spouse. Are you living in a relationship and suspect that your partner is cheating on you, or doing other stuff he/she shouldn’t be doing on your/her computer (flirting harshly on community sites, MSN messenger contacts, webcam usage, microphone usage or visiting sites that are uncomfortable in a relationship.. the list goes on.

This is where All In One Keylogger can be there to save you from wasting time on your relationship, you wonder what your partner does when he/she is on the computer and you are away or working night shift. Well there is no reason to keep wondering and being paranoid about what she might be doing, you can find it out directly by downloading the trial version straight away (it is amazingly easy to set up, and the best part is that it is totally undetectable/invisible in windows, so no one can find out it’s installed and running.. read more on product site for more detailed info).

 It basically records all keystrokes, and shows in which program the text has been typed in, stores visited sites and you can set it up to take a picture of the screen for example every 10 seconds!

Employers:
In the survey that took place in Britain in the year 2006, 87% of the employees participating in the survey said that they surf on the internet during their work at least once a week. 73% of them said that they surf at least once a day. 23% of them said that they dedicate more time to surfing on the internet than to their work! In the additional survey that took place in the same year answered 36% of the employers, participants of the survey mentioned that they are afraid that secrets of the company will be sent to their competitors from the company computers by their employees. 4% announced that they fell victim to the theft of company secrets by their workers from the company computers.

Are you running a small sized company, and wonder why you aren’t getting as much work done as you should be getting. Well the solution is here, with All In One Keylogger you can make sure who are actually working and who are not. The result can be scary, you might find out that the employee is actually playing online poker half day or such, no wonder that the results aren’t so promising. There are a lot of people who don’t care as long as their getting paid, so they will just entertain themselves in some way instead of actually working.

Download trial (7 days free):
http://www.plimus.com/jsp/download_trial.jsp?contractId=1682768&referrer=Niar

Parents:
Today, almost every child has access to internet. This comes thanks to the advance in technology, but has also risks involved. Did you know that: The average age when the children encounter pornography in the internet is 11? The age of the largest pornography consumer group in the internet is between 12 to 17? 85% of children between the ages 6-16 encountered pornographic content intentionally or unintentionally (most of them while preparing their homework). 25% of children between ages 9-17 will freely disclose their home address in the internet? 60% of children who committed suicide, declared their intentions online directly or indirectly? One in five children who use the computer chat rooms has been approached over the internet by pedophiles? Only 25% of youth who received sexual solicitation told a parent.

The children today are very sophisticated and most of us parents don’t have the knowledge to know what they are doing behind their closed doors in front of the computer. Are they browsing to inappropriate websites, are they downloading illegal content using P2P programs that will in the future result in lawsuits of thousands of dollars? What personal information they disclose about themselves, are they talking to adults, or maybe they meet them?

All In One Keylogger has many features:

No activity on your computer will be able to evade this high quality Keylogger. Does your kid make secret chat conversations with adult strangers? Maybe even with a pedophile that searches for his next victim? Does he surf to pornographic sites? Maybe he even exposes his personal details where he is not supposed to? Does he use P2P programs, sharing copyrighted materials which could constitute a pretext to a lawsuit of tens thousands of dollars? Have you ever wondered why does your husband “work” on his computer so late at the night? Does he have a secret online lover?Have you ever wondered who is your wife’s “partner” she talks with all the time? Do your employees surf on the internet instead of doing their work which you pay them for? Do they sell company secretes to your competitors? A high quality Keylogger should give you the answers to all these questions. No activity will be able to evade from it. No undesirable activity will be able to evade from you! As said, a high quality Keylogger is an “All In One Keylogger”, so just press this link to download “All In One Keylogger”:

Download trial (7 days free):
http://www.plimus.com/jsp/download_trial.jsp?contractId=1682768&referrer=Niar

Link for buying full version:
https://www.plimus.com/jsp/buynow.jsp?contractId=1682768&referrer=Niar

With this program everything is possible, from getting a password to any community site, e-mail or forums and seeing all chat logs or messages – to recording microphone sounds (cybersex or the chat with another person and even webcam activity! (Both the own persons and a possible strangers webcam if he/she is watching naked teenagers behind your back). And best of all: you will have PROOF of what you have seen, which you obviously wont if you just suspect something without this program.

I tried to bring up the most important things in this article, but there sure is more to read if you still aren’t sure, simply visit the links provided and read more about people who have bought the product or view the awards that the product has received. Everyone has different use or needs of the program, and it sure was a relief to my head after finally getting answer to my questions using this brilliant program.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Gyrowheel Helps Kids Ditch Training Wheels

This morning while researching material for TechStuff Live, I ran across a post by Ars Technica’s Ben Kuchera about a nifty device for kids called the Gyrowheel, from a company called Gyrobike. It’s really pretty simple. It’s a bicycle wheel that has another wheel inside (where you’d normally see spokes). The wheel spins and keeps the bike stable when the child is riding, and it eliminates the need for training wheels — take a look for yourself and see on the company’s demo video:

Here’s another demonstration, this one with a live human!

Pretty neat, huh? According to Gyrobike, the spinning disc inside the wheel uses a principle called gyroscopic procession that keeps the whole thing upright. The disc inside spins under power from a rechargeable battery, and carries a charge for several hours. As Kuchera pointed out in his article, there are three settings that provide differing levels of stability for kids learning to ride. At the maximum setting, the wheel will stand on its own for several seconds. The idea here is that kids will learn to ride quickly and without having to re-learn to ride without training wheels.

The company said that the technology was under development for two years and has been patented. But they’re not yet available for sale — the 12-inch (30.5-centimeter) wheel will be on sale starting in December for about $100. There will be other sizes available later. And although Gyrobike doesn’t currently make bicycles,  the company Web site says there’s a full Gyrobike coming next year.

Very neat stuff.

For more on gyroscopic technology and other related stuff, take a look at these links:

How Gyroscopes Work
How Bicycles Work
How Segways Work

The Honey Web

Once upon a time a bear was being mean to a unicorn. The bear was trying to eat her (unicorn).

The unicorn is a pet to a beautiful true princess. The true princess wanted to save her unicorn so she poured honey on a spider web.

The bear was hungry for some honey, and ran to the spider web. He fell on the spider web and then he got stuck.
He says, “Please let me out! Cuz I’m gonna be nice!”
True princess said, “I can’t let you out because you being mean.”

So the true princess threw the bear into the sky, where he is to this day, still caught in the honey web. Only at night can you see the bear, when the golden web glimmers in the dark.

True princess and the unicorn are so happy to be free that they go eat ice cream. The end.

Lynn Mari and Nora (4), ©2007

My daughter and I wrote this together… I’m now teaching her how to write poetry with syllables so she can later learn Haiku.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

leach child

It started with my body in the exact same position as it really was. I was sleeping next to (Name Deleted) in her shitty cold and clammy studio up in a banlieue somewhere. My body was shaking with cold and need, but somehow I managed to fall asleep. In this dream, (Name Deleted) had a daughter, named Jolie. If I ever meet anyone who named their kid Jolie in real life, I will run the opposite way very fast. The child, about three, had beautiful blond curls, which was odd considering her heritage. It was the morning, and the child had slept in the same room as us, even though I hadn’t noticed her the night before. I asked to see her bed, and it turned out to be a bed of leaches. Then I understood that the little girl would actually turn into a bunch of leaches during the night. (Name Deleted) dressed the girl and told me she would be back later. By this point, she lived in a tree house in Montmartre. I was left babysitting the blond girl/leach bed thing. My mother was there and she made me try on a winter coat, which only turned out to be a dress, purple and long. The child kept hiding and I didn’t know what to do. I left the tree house, only to be driven back by my mother, she insisted we needed to stay there. Is it Christmas already, I asked.

She kind of looked like Marie Antoinette’s daughter, in that shitty ass movie by Sofia Coppola.

A Look at the My Lai Massacre

Being a Global Studies and History major has allowed me an interesting perspective on the history of war.  One war that I have studied quite a bit was the Vietnam War and more specifically the My Lai massacre that occurred in March of 1968.  I had heard a few years ago that Oliver Stone was planning to bring the horrors of this historical event to the big screen in another one of his epic political films, but recently learned that the production of “Pinkville” (what the My Lai massacre is more commonly referred to) had been halted.  Now whether or not there is any political posturing behind this production delay, I felt that I would bring the story of My Lai to you in writing and allow you to understand not only what happened on that fateful March 16, but also how the American government and their treatment of soldiers led to this horrific event. 

The My Lai massacre was one of the greatest war tragedies of all time.  Hundreds of lives were lost in that small village in March of 1968, and along with them, the souls of countless soldiers went missing that day.  While the American public struggled to figure out why and how this could happen, the soldiers who were involved were asking themselves the same question.  It was a question that would never be answered.  There were many theories as to how such a catastrophic event could occur under American leadership.  Racism was a reoccurring speculation, as many of the soldiers had been trained since day one to hate the Vietnamese.  “The many hours the men spent during combat training listening to their instructors referring to the Vietnamese as ‘gooks’ and ‘slants’.[1]  Another explanation explored was the language barrier.  The army felt that because their soldiers and the Vietnamese could not communicate, there had been a misunderstanding at My Lai.[2]  This theory was quickly quashed by the testimony of the soldiers who had been present that day in the village.  Drugs and alcohol were another possible “reason” for the massacre.  The troops had been drinking the night before the massacre[3], but again the testimony of Charlie Company proved that theory wrong.  It is still hard to say exactly what caused all those soldiers to react the way they did in Vietnam that day, and throughout the rest of the war, but it is safe to say that there are some factors that contributed more than others.  Through conscription and a lack of training of soldiers, as well as jungle warfare involving an invisible enemy, and the need for revenge by the soldiers fighting the war, the My Lai massacre was able to occur, and it became a direct reflection of the Vietnam War in general.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

The Vietnam War was America’s longest and most unresolved military conflict.[4]  As a result, hundreds of thousands of young American men were forced to join the army through conscription, and were provided very little training as soldiers with regard to the Law of Land Warfare and the Geneva Conventions.[5]  While American involvement in the Vietnam War was getting deeper and deeper, the government began to rush to find men to fight the war overseas.  They used conscription as a means to accomplish this feat, and were consequently left with thousands of men who were well below military standards.  “…what came to be called McNamara’s 100,000, the Project 100,000 men well below the Army average in terms of aptitude and intelligence and deemed unlikely to met peacetime entry qualifications.”[6]  The standards for acceptable soldiers in Vietnam were so low, that it was not unimaginable that the My Lai massacre could happen.  Many of these men did not have the capacity to differentiate between right and wrong, and were therefore unable to protest what was ordered at My Lai.  Another problem with conscription was that many young men were forced into fighting the war.  “‘I was scared.  I didn’t want to go, but I had to,’ remembers Bergthold.  ‘Because if I didn’t I’d probably get court-martialed.’”[7]  Unwilling young men across America were drafted into the army, and they could not protest without being put in jail.  When given these two bleak options, most men chose to fight the war, although they never truly accepted that they had to.  They felt trapped and in most cases, did not care about the war at all.[8]  They wanted to go home, and this meant providing the government with high body counts.  “In a war that did not offer territory as a reward, body count became the index of success and failure in the whole war.  Officers who did not achieve satisfactory body counts were replaced; units who performed well were rewarded with leave.  The body count was the key statistic after each firefight and the pressure to produce high figures was enormous.”[9]  These soldiers knew that if high body counts were provided they could go home, and they soon stopped caring about who they were killing.  The Vietnam War had an astronomical amount of civilian casualties and this was due, in large part to soldiers who did not care about or understand the war they were fighting. 

This lack of regard for noncombatants in Vietnam was a direct result of the lack of training that was provided to soldiers before deployment.[10]  While rushing to deploy young soldiers, the armed forces relaxed their training methods with regard to the rules of engagement.  This meant that most soldiers received less than one hour of training on the proper treatment of noncombatants in foreign countries.  “On paper, all soldiers received at least one hour’s instruction on the Law of Land Warfare and the Geneva Conventions.  In practice, it made little, if any, impression on men who were spending hundreds of hours being trained to follow orders and learning how to kill.”[11]  So few hours were spent teaching these men how to deal with the Vietnamese civilians that there is no wonder they showed them no regard in My Lai.  They were not taught to communicate with them, or to understand their culture, and as a result they saw them as less than human.[12]  The soldiers did not have any remorse for killing noncombatants in My Lai, and throughout Vietnam because they were not taught how to treat them as human beings.  “Rules of engagement were designed to limit the risk of civilian casualties.  In theory, they were issued to every serviceman; in practice, they might as well have been written on water.”[13]  Rules of engagement was a term that was rarely heard amongst these soldiers.  Such a miniscule amount of time was spent teaching these men how to behave in a war, that they invented their own rules.  In doing so, they forgot to see humans, and instead saw animals when dealing with the Vietnamese.  In My Lai, they did not see innocent civilians, they saw human scum, something to kill, something to desecrate[14].  This was the case all over Vietnam, where blameless peasants were being killed every day due, in part, to a growing frustration within the army companies.  This frustration stemmed from the massive number of American soldiers the Viet Cong and the North Vietnamese Army were killing[15].  They were fighting a war that the United States was unaccustomed to, and therefore soldiers were losing their friends and fellow fighters on a daily basis.

Jungle warfare was a foreign method of war for the Americans, and they were losing many soldiers as a result[16].  After years of fighting against the Viet Cong and the North Vietnamese Army, they were still unable to identify friendly civilians from enemy soldiers.  “In a conventional war, it is clear who are civilians and who are soldiers, but guerillas wear no uniforms or insignia to differentiate themselves from noncombatants.”[17]  These silent forces were killing soldiers each day, and there was no way to stop it from happening.  They simply could not tell who was good and who was bad.  “‘How can you distinguish the enemy?  How can you distinguish between the good and the bad?  All of them looked the same.  And that’s why the war was so different.  You know it wasn’t like the Germans over here or the Japanese over there.  They all looked alike, North and the South.  So how can you tell?’”[18]  This statement sums up the soldiers’ attitudes towards the Vietnamese.  Their confusion was at an all time high, as they tirelessly plowed through the rice paddies searching for enemies.  They saw old men in fields and young children playing in the villages, and everyone was a threat to their safety.[19]  The more unhinged they became, the more dangerous they became.  Being unable to see their enemy led them to fire their weapons haphazardly, to attack without provocation, and to injure the innocent.[20]  These seemingly normal young men were becoming killers and this was never more apparent then when they entered My Lai village. 

Meanwhile, as the American soldiers grew increasingly frustrated, the Viet Cong and the North Vietnamese Army grew only in power.  “The Viet Cong meanwhile grew in numbers and confidence and learned how to deal with the tactical innovations of the American advisors.  In spite of millions of dollars of US military aid, and the presence of thousands of military advisors, the Viet Cong had grown steadily stronger.”[21]  The increase in power and number of the Viet Cong only added to the desperation of the American soldiers.  They grew to hate the Vietnamese more vehemently then ever and displayed this hatred through the destruction of their villages, and the rape of their women.  “‘the VC/NVA apparently lose only one sixth as many weapons as people, suggesting that possibly many of the killed are unarmed porters or by-standers.’”[22]  Never was this more apparent than in My Lai village, where hundreds of unarmed women, children and elderly men were murdered.[23]  Being unable to distinguish between the enemy and noncombatants led the soldiers to see everyone as a threat, so therefore, everyone in My Lai village had to die. 

As the assault on My Lai grew closer there was another change in the American soldiers.  More than just not being able to differentiate between the Viet Cong and the civilians, the soldiers sought revenge against all Vietnamese to avenge the deaths of their fellow soldiers.  “There then took shape a terrible psychological sequence in which there were real deaths in one’s unit, as there had been in C Company before My Lai.  There were two central deaths – one of a much-beloved sergeant who was a kind of father-figure.  There was a fierce sense of anger and grief in the men…”[24] Here lays one of the central reasons for the My Lai massacre.  The soldiers felt such guilt and shame for the deaths of their fellow officers and friends that they began to seek revenge against anyone they could.[25]  The Vietnamese were all to blame for the tragedies that befell their troops, and as such, they would all pay.  In My Lai, the soldiers entered a village of noncombatants, but all they saw were enemies, because they had long ago forgotten that there was any good in Vietnam.  These enemies who were killing off their friends one by one with booby traps in the woods, and snipers in the trees had all become a single enemy:  the Vietnamese[26].  Everyone was to blame, so everyone must pay for the deaths within their troops. 

Revenge was a key factor throughout the entire Vietnam War; it was not exclusive to the My Lai massacre.  The rape of numerous women in villages throughout Vietnam quickly became a silent problem for the American military.[27]  Michael Berhardt was a soldier in C Company and he noticed that the soldiers in his troop had adopted a new code of conduct that permitted the brutal rape of civilians.  When he was questioned about whether rape was a prevalent problem by investigators he stated, “I thought it was, sir.  It was predictable.  In other words, if I saw a woman, I’d say, ‘Well, it won’t be too long.’  That’s how widespread it was.”[28]  The soldiers had taken on a new attitude about war.  Instead of protecting the weak and powerless they were exploiting them on a daily basis.  Lieutenant William L. Calley recalled witnessing one of his soldiers raping a civilian and telling him “to get his pants back up and get over to where he was supposed to be.”[29]  Instead of reprimanding his subordinate for committing a crime of war, the Lieutenant casually tells him to stop and does not instill any type of punishment.  The soldiers in Vietnam were not being punished for their crimes, and as a result started to believe that their behavior was acceptable.  These blasé attitudes towards civilians were another contributing factor in the massacre.  When the soldiers stopped behaving like civilized humans, the people who paid the ultimate price were the women, children, and elders of My Lai village.

 There are few people who would argue that the My Lai massacre was a tragedy of unbelievable proportions, although there are not too many people who know that this tragedy occurred.  There was a large effort made by the American government to minimize what actually happened that day and eventually the ‘massacre’ became an ‘incident’ that was quickly swept under the carpet and forgotten about.[30]  The government’s attitude towards the massacre was similar to most of the soldiers of ‘C’ Company who thought they were simply following orders that day.  The lives that were taken that day were not human to them; they were something lower, something inhuman.  This mind frame allowed the soldiers to murder hundreds of souls without a second thought.  Again, this occurred for several reasons.  Racism, language barriers, and drugs and alcohol could all have played a role in the mindset of some of the soldiers, although there are several reasons that play a stronger role.  Conscription and a lack of training of soldiers left the American troops weaker then they had ever been.[31]  The young soldiers did not have the mentality or the courage to stand up and refuse to take part in My Lai because they were scared and inexperienced.  The guerilla war that the Viet Cong and the North Vietnamese Army were fighting was something that the American military was not accustomed to.  This resulted in numerous American casualties, which produced vengeful soldiers on a mission to avenge the deaths of their friends and fellow soldiers.[32]  That being said, through conscription and a lack of training of soldiers, as well as jungle warfare involving an invisible enemy, and the need for revenge by the soldiers fighting the war, the My Lai massacre was able to occur, and it became a direct reflection of the Vietnam War in general.  Thankfully, since that fateful day in March of 1968 many of the soldiers who fought in My Lai have had the opportunity to reflect on the wrongs that they committed against the human race.  Unfortunately, there are others still who do not understand the consequences of the murders they were a part of, because they were never punished for them.  Hopefully, some lessons were learnt from these past mistakes, and the world will never have to witness another My Lai massacre.

 [1] Bilton, M., & Sim, K. (1992). Four hours in my lai. New York: Penguin Group.

[2] Gershen, M. (1971). Destroy or die: the true story of mylai. New Rochelle, NY: Arlington House.

[3] Olson, J., & Roberts, R. (1998). My lai: a brief history with documents. Boston: Bedford Books.

 [4] Gershen, M. (1971). Destroy or die: the true story of mylai. New Rochelle, NY: Arlington House.

[5] Bilton, M., & Sim, K. (1992). Four hours in my lai. New York: Penguin Group.

[6] Bilton, M., & Sim, K. (1992). Four hours in my lai. New York: Penguin Group.

[7] Gershen, M. (1971). Destroy or die: the true story of mylai. New Rochelle, NY: Arlington House.

[8] Bilton, M., & Sim, K. (1992). Four hours in my lai. New York: Penguin Group.

[9] Bilton, M., & Sim, K. (1992). Four hours in my lai. New York: Penguin Group.

[10] Bilton, M., & Sim, K. (1992). Four hours in my lai. New York: Penguin Group.

[11] Bilton, M., & Sim, K. (1992). Four hours in my lai. New York: Penguin Group.

[12] Anderson, D. (1998). Facing my lai: moving beyond the massacre. Lawrence, KA: University Press of Kansas.

[13] Bilton, M., & Sim, K. (1992). Four hours in my lai. New York: Penguin Group.

[14] Bilton, M., & Sim, K. (1992). Four hours in my lai. New York: Penguin Group.

[15] Bilton, M., & Sim, K. (1992). Four hours in my lai. New York: Penguin Group.

[16] Bilton, M., & Sim, K. (1992). Four hours in my lai. New York: Penguin Group.

[17] Bilton, M., & Sim, K. (1992). Four hours in my lai. New York: Penguin Group.

[18] Bilton, M., & Sim, K. (1992). Four hours in my lai. New York: Penguin Group.

[19] Anderson, D. (1998). Facing my lai: moving beyond the massacre. Lawrence, KA: University Press of Kansas

[20] Bilton, M., & Sim, K. (1992). Four hours in my lai. New York: Penguin Group.

[21] Bilton, M., & Sim, K. (1992). Four hours in my lai. New York: Penguin Group.

[22] Bilton, M., & Sim, K. (1992). Four hours in my lai. New York: Penguin Group.

[23] Olson, J., & Roberts, R. (1998). My lai: a brief history with documents. Boston: Bedford Books.

[24] Anderson, D. (1998). Facing my lai: moving beyond the massacre. Lawrence, KA: University Press of Kansas.

[25] Bilton, M., & Sim, K. (1992). Four hours in my lai. New York: Penguin Group.

[26] Bilton, M., & Sim, K. (1992). Four hours in my lai. New York: Penguin Group.

[27] Olson, J., & Roberts, R. (1998). My lai: a brief history with documents. Boston: Bedford Books

[28] Olson, J., & Roberts, R. (1998). My lai: a brief history with documents. Boston: Bedford Books.

[29] Olson, J., & Roberts, R. (1998). My lai: a brief history with documents. Boston: Bedford Books.

[31] Olson, J., & Roberts, R. (1998). My lai: a brief history with documents. Boston: Bedford Books.

[32] Bilton, M., & Sim, K. (1992). Four hours in my lai. New York: Penguin Group.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Passion, Gifting, and Creativity

Over the last three and a half years, Dave and Jess Ray have brought leadership to Tallowood’s contemporary services each weekend.  In the course of their time at Tallowood they have also released three CDs of original material.  Here, Dave writes of the joy of creativity and using our gifts to serve our one true Passion:

The Psalms are filled with exhortations to “sing to the Lord a new song,” a reminder that we serve a creative God who formed us in His image that we might also be creative beings.  The phrase also reminds us of the great joy God takes when we use our creativity in His service.  Of course, when we think of creativity, most of us think of music and the arts, but in reality human creativity extends to all fields: creating new ideas, new technologies, new solutions, new directions.  For me, though, creativity most often means songwriting.

I find tremendous joy in using my creative gifts in the service of the Giver, as all of us do when our purposes line up with God’s purposes.  And He is teaching me an important lesson about the relationship between me, Him, and my gifts.  I used to say, “Music is my passion,” but often found myself jealous of other people’s skill and success, and frustrated at any perceived failure.  God has been showing me that these negative emotions are a direct result of misplaced priorities.  You see, I was not created for music to be my passion, my ultimate joy.  I was created for God to be my passion.  Music is simply my gift, and is meant to be used in service of my passion.

Dave & Jess Ray

When Jess and I arrived at Tallowood in 2006 I was just beginning to learn that lesson.  I resolved that I would use my gift in God’s service and let Him lead me through whatever door He opened, no matter what that might be.  The first door was unexpected: an album of Scripture songs for children.  I had never written a song for children before, nor had I ever tried to set Bible verses to music, but our Minister to Children, Carol Kleckner, commissioned me to write a song for the launch of M&M&Ms (Missions, Memory, & Music) using their theme verse, Psalm 145:21: “My mouth will speak in praise of the Lord.  Let every creature praise His holy name forever and ever.”

I enjoyed the experience so much that with the support of Carol and our Minister of Music at the time, Paul Magyar, Jess and I recorded a full album of songs with texts taken directly from Scripture.  We called the album The Doorpost Songs after Deuteronomy 6:9, which commands the people of Israel to remember the word of God, pass it down to their children, and tie it to their doorposts.

The Doorpost Songs (2006)

Jess and I sang the lead vocals along with a children’s choir from Tallowood.  Musicians from Tallowood and the Houston area recorded the band tracks, and our good friend Scott Williamson produced and engineered the record.  We released the album in December of 2006, and immediately were grateful that God had led us in that direction as we heard parents tell how their kids were memorizing the songs and learning Scripture.

The next door that opened to us was an album of other original songs that I had written during our time at Tallowood.  These songs were personal.  They were expressions of worship, declarations of praise, and exhortations to obedience.  They were the cumulative experiences of our lives over the previous three years, and the story of our walk with God through it all.

Dave & Jess Ray (2008)

These songs became an album simply titled, Dave & Jess Ray, which was released in May of 2008.  Again we were privileged to work with our friend Scott Williamson who produced and mixed the record.  It was incredibly rewarding to share these songs with our church family, allowing these moments of vulnerability in the hopes that the ways God had been working in our lives would encourage and edify the body of Christ.

Soon after the release, Carol Kleckner approached me about doing a second Doorpost Songs album.  The experience of creating and releasing the first album had been so unique and exciting that I was immediately interested and began to plan and write for the album that would become The Doorpost Songs: Next Generation.

The Doorpost Songs: Next Generation (2009)

Recorded in the same fashion as the first Doorpost Songs record, with our now faithful compatriot in creativity, Scott Williamson, at the helm, The Doorpost Songs: Next Generation was released in June of 2009.  It features ten new songs (and one “surprise”) from Scriptures in both the Old and New Testaments set in a modern worship style that we hope will appeal to kids and adults alike.

If you’ve never heard the songs on these albums, we would be delighted to share them with you.  Each of the albums is available at the Tallowood Bookshop, and both Dave & Jess Ray and The Doorpost Songs: Next Generation are available on iTunes by clicking on the links below:

Dave & Jess Ray on iTunes

The Doorpost Songs: Next Generation on iTunes

And don’t forget that serving God creatively is not reserved just for musicians and artists.  We have all been endowed with creative gifts by a creative God who longs for us to find our passion, our ultimate joy, in Him.  When we use our gifts in the service of our Passion, we align our purposes with God’s purposes, and that is a truly inspiring place to be!

A Weekend Away

You might recall a few months ago I had mentioned that The Kid and I were going camping at a local park. We did and it was a blast.

What I failed to mention was that in October, there was another campout at said park and we were going to that one, too.

Well, said event is happening tomorrow night and it’s going to be a good time as this event is Halloween-themed, so we will go trick-or-treating from tent to tent, decorate a pumpkin and oh yes, we will go “ghost hunting” late into the night.

The only major difference between this time and last is that the weather is unusually warm for October.

As I glance at the thermometer on my desk, it’s telling me that the outdoor temperature is a balmy 72 degrees—at 11:00 p.m. In October.

Seriously, what the hell? Would you believe that a few days ago we had three straight days of rain? Okay, it was rain in the most academic sense in that it was wet and falling from the sky but man, so much for easing into warmer temperature! No no no, we can’t have that. We just had to be blasted with an unruly 95-degree heat wave that, for the love all things holy, cools down by tomorrow night when we set up camp.

You know, s’mores and a campfire are fine and well but in this heat? I’m not so sure it’s a good idea. Give me some cooler temperatures any day of the week and I’m fine.

Ah well. I gotta get going. We had a potluck at work today and I pretty much snacked on anything I could get my hands on during my entire shift, and it’s seriously catching up with me. Or should I say, running right through me. Ahem.

I need some water—and a closer bathroom.

I’m out until Sunday afternoon. Have a great weekend!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

The things people get up to

http://www.9news.com/news/article.aspx?storyid=125161&catid=339

People in Ft. Collins were building an experimental aircraft that had a helium balloon on it. It was secured to the ground, or something, with a rope. The couple’s kid, a 6 year old little boy, got into it & pulled the rope loose.

This 6 year old child is floating somewhere over Ft. Collins, in a balloon, with no way down.

It’s described as this: “The aircraft is described by the sheriff’s office as a dome-shaped, 20 foot, 5 foot aircraft covered with foil.”

The FAA has been notified, as well as DIA. At the very least, this could mess up traffic patterns at the airport.

More importantly, how are they going to get this child down safely? The nitwit parents should be, I don’t know. I know they’re panicked, to say the least.

Say a prayer for the little boy’s safe return.

in the news: special report - The mystery of little Ondoy

Trauma trigger

Maria Esmeralda Macaspac, executive director of Children’s Rehabilitation Center (CRC), said little Ondoy’s persistent silence could be his coping mechanism. It would be difficult to determine the extent of the disaster’s impact on the child because he does not even talk yet, she said.

CRC is a non-governmental organization that promotes children’s rights and provides assistance to displaced children.

It is also possible that little Ondoy was able to recover from the trauma of the floods because of the love and care he is getting from the Concepcion Uno community, Macaspac said.

However, she warned the boy’s temporary caregivers not to put down their guard, because something could trigger the effects of the trauma anytime.

read more…http://www.gmanews.tv/story/174614/the-mystery-of-little-ondoy

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

One For Sorrow, Two For Joy....

And that’s just unfair.

After today’s physical signs, even counting magpies (or should it be magpi??) in the back trees isn’t giving me much reason to get hopeful. We shot these guys this afternoon, with cameras only I hasten to add! The four of them were up there mocking me with their four for a boy rhyme… grrr…

Why so bitter? Well, take a look at the temps for yourself. That and I did do the test today and it was so white it could have been sponsored by Daz (washing powder for my US friends ). So I’m bitter and fed up and next cycle is out due to the holiday. Probably a good thing really. It’ll give us chance to regroup and work out how best to redo the donor thing. It’s not working – best chances are meant to happen if a certain swimming army is around every other day for the week around ovulation. As things are we get a hurried syringe on the LH day and two days after. I’m not convinced our chances are that high even if I was firing on both pistons. So a month out may give us time to get back to the drawing board and work out how we arrange a better average, and hopefully a more relaxing scenario. There’s also the consideration that actually this might not work, and am I ready to accept that and just move on. I’m not, not yet, but it is becoming more of a reality with every failure.

So, now just waiting for af, who so far is laying low.

Please don't try to turn my children against me.

Actually, they are probably too smart for that.  They ask questions and know who to trust … me.

The environmental groups and econuts are now going to try to target adults by using guilt inducing messages from kids to encourage us to “stop climate change.”

I can see where this is going.  I predict more fancy lesson plans and free classroom supplies to teach children how they can save the earth by harassing their parents to fall in line.  Ha.

You can’t stop climate change.  That’s what the damn climate does … it changes!  We live in a dynamic ecosystem!  It’s an open system with input that is out of our control … the sun, other planets, space, the SUN.

Thank goodness for the digital video recorder.  I’m going to fast forward through those commercials.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

The New Rules

“Queer Equality Revolution” is about a revolution in thought, because if we do not start to think differently we will never begin to act differently. And I believe we need to start acting and reacting differently because our old ways of dealing with governmental and religious hatred is NOT working for many of us.

“Queer Equality Revolution” is not for the rich, comfortable gays, i.e. – those who can hardly claim to have been profoundly harmed by inequality. This revolution is for the poor gays whose lives are more like a war zone because of the suffering brought on by a lack of EQUAL PROTECTION, whether this suffering resulted SPECIFICALLY from job discrimination, marriage inequality, DADT, hate crimes, or any other event(s) that led to poverty, homelessness, increased mental illness, disability, or trauma.

If I may borrow Bill Maher’s concept of “NEW RULES”:

“Queer Equality Revolution” – THE NEW RULES

  • Our DUE constitutional rights are NOT something society gets to vote on. Period.
  • As tax-paying, law-abiding citizens, we have been entitled to our constitutional right for equal protection since birth. We deserve equality across the board NOW.
  • Being denied our constitutional rights means that we do NOT have to remain tax-paying, law-abiding citizens. The U.S. excludes us from civil law, so we will exclude ourselves from U.S. laws until equal.
  • Any attempt by government or religious groups to strip us of our due freedom, whether it be an attempt by government to collect taxes or imprison us for failure to comply, or an attempt by a religious group to deny us our constitutional rights, will be viewed as an act of violence against our family. It follows that ANY act of violence against our loved ones demands that we respond in kind as a means of self defense, beginning with the property of those who are attacking us. “Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death” applies here; if that’s too “extreme” then you obviously have NOT been pushed to your absolute limit (yet); go play house with your HRC friends.
  • Any individual who publicly attacks our family and threatens and intimidates our loved ones through REFERENDUMS and PROPOSITIONS will be confronted in public whenever possible – as a means of self defense.
  • Any public gathering whose aim is to strip us of our due rights will be viewed as an organized hate group, and will be treated as such.

To summarize:

“We’re MAD AS HELL, and we’re

NOT going to take it anymore!”

Did that sound like “threats, intimidation, and harassment”?

WRONG.

The only people who have experienced threats, intimidation, and harassment have been the LGBTQ community, due to these hateful laws against our family and children – yes – our CHILDREN. What you read above is a RESPONSE to the threats, intimidation, and harassment we’ve been assaulted with since birth.

And folks, it is time we defend our beloved family and children and fight back HARD!

The Frenzy of Football

Football is in the blood of every Goan and the high that comes only with this racy sport can be seen as people gather at their village grounds every other day. Some of these football fields are mere flattened paddy fields, but the thrill of watching the ball race around can be got just about anywhere if you’ve a Goan.

Came rain or shine, week days or weekends, there are matches happening almost every day in some parts of Goa or the other. And many a young athletic boy dreams of taxing his muscles, getting his adrenaline going, covered in the sweet smell of excited sweat, all to be playing for a local club.

With people fanatic about football, most villages have their own football clubs and the inter-village tournaments can be fiercely fiery ones.

“Goans have the potential to lead the country in football” says Aldrid DaCosta, English FA-qualified football coach, who left the UK and followed his passion for football, all the way to ancestral Goa. “Countries all over the world with Portuguese or Spanish influence make up the best football teams in the world, some examples being Brazil and Argentina. Goa needs to exploit this heritage”, he continues.

Aldrid DaCosta walks his talk and has set up the GOA Learning Soccer School which conducts football camps for young students all year round. Aldrid has tied up with numerous schools and trains their football teams too. Many of these schools have gone on to win inter school championship trophies too.

Sport, as a vital part of education has been diminishing in value. Burdened by school, travel and tuitions, children have become couch potatoes, preferring to unwind before the TV or computer than go out and exercise their muscles.

Sports, help young boys and girls grow to their full potential, make them physically strong and athletic.

Sports, especially group sports like football, instill young boys and girls not just with a competitive spirit, but gives them faster motor- eye co-ordination, enhancing their instinctual abilities, helping them understand the importance of team work and co-operation. All these are invaluable learns which will help young boys and girls get ahead in life.

Thankfully some school and parents are beginning to recognize the importance of sports in the development of their child and going by the large turn outs for the GOA Learning Soccer School Camps, Goa may well retain its dominance in the football arena after all.

If you would like to contact Aldrid DaCosta,

Cell number  +91-  9823 281781   Email – atdmdx@gmail.com

Saturday, October 10, 2009

English

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Thursday, October 8, 2009

Baptism class

This week, my 1st grade religion class has been learning about Baptism and Holy Water.  So after everything, even though I was a little sceptical, we acted out a Baptism.  Well, we acted out 7 Baptisms.  Each time, with different children taking on the role of the priest, parents, and godparents.  Wow, they really blew me away with everything.  They were so in to it, and very attentive, and especially the ones who did the role of priest.  They were so cute, and man, I just feel that they took it so seriously and respectfully…I would have loved if any one of those kids would have baptized any of my family members.  They would make wonderful priests.  So, I have decided that I am going to pray for their vocations, and that if God so chooses, they may be called to the priesthood. 

The Holy Spirit was truly working, even the most wild of all children “monkey man”  was able to present the role of the priest perfectly, with the utmost respect and reverence. 

I hope that they got half as much from this lesson as I did from them.

I See Your Face

Walking thru I see your face
Seen it before in another time and place
We’ve lived, we’ve died, we’ve come back again
And now it’s time to evolve again.

Can’t – explain- the noise within these walls
It’s disturbing and it’s free
It’s you and it’s me
It’s what just has to be.

Bring me back, bring me back and I’ll
Be there for you
You know it to be true
We’ll be back again
My one and only friend

Walking thru I see your face
Seen it before in another time and place
We’ve lived, we’ve died, we’ve come back again
And now it’s time to evolve again.

Two like us have just no where to go
Ride the storm and see
Where we will finally be
No rest, it’s plain to see

Walking thru I see your face
Seen it before in another time and place
We’ve lived, we’ve died, we’ve come back again
And now it’s time to evolve again

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Zamboanga documentary CD Release Concert: Tickets available now!

The gift of a song: It’s essential. It’s fleeting. And you’re invited.

The CFCA documentary film, “Zamboanga: Poverty, War, Music” is in the last phase of production, and the companion CD is ready to launch!

As a gift to our sponsors and the Kansas City area, CFCA is presenting a CD release concert at 5 p.m. on Sunday, Nov. 8, 2009, at Yardley Hall in the Carlsen Center at Johnson County Community College, Overland Park, Kan. Here are directions to the Carlsen Center once you get on the campus.

The music was written by Kansas City musician Barclay Martin during his travels in the Philippines for the documentary, and some of the songs are featured in the film. Barclay Martin Ensemble will perform the songs at the concert, joined by special guests.

Guest performances include the Sampaguita Choir and Sinag-Tala Dance Group from the Filipino Association of Greater Kansas City.

Admission is free, but seating is limited. Please contact Yardley Hall to make reservations: (913) 469-4445.

The concert is being sponsored in part by Bank of Kansas City.

For more information about the documentary, visit www.zamboangathemovie.com. Please sign up for the eNews to keep current on the film.

JAVIER BARDEM HABLA DEL SAHARA EN EL MUNDO.ES

Javier Bardem

1. Hola Javier!, ¿por qué esta causa y no otras?. ¿Qué hizo que te involucraras más con ésta?. Un saludo.

Buenas tardes a todos. Tuve la oportunidad de ir al campamento de Dahla con motivo del Festival Internacional del Cine Saharaui que es el único festival que se realiza en un campamento de refugiados. Fui con ‘Invisibles’ y viví en una jaima en sus condiciones. Son muy duras, están abandonados, sienten una gran amistad hacia los españoles, un agradecimiento profundo a todos aquellos que les apoyan, pero sin duda están desamparados por los gobiernos de España, Marruecos y Francia. En mi experiencia, lo que viví fue una fuerte responsabilidad como español y ciudadano de sentido común para ayudarles como pueda.

2. Querido Javier. En primer lugar, gracias por tu interes y por querer ayudar al pueblo Saharaui. Realmente crees que es un confilcto con un solucion cercana, teniendo en cuenta los intereses politicos de Espana, Francia y Marruecos? un abrazo y gracias de nuevo Lola

Sí, es inevitable que se llegue a una solución. Tiene que llegar el momento de esa solución legal, democrática y pacífica, esto último es fundamental porque sino todo el interés recaerá en el Sáhara cuando sea demasiado tarde. Vosotros podéis ayudar recordándole al Gobierno de España su responsabilidad a través de la firma del Manifiesto en www.todosconelsahara.com

3. Tú apoyo a la causa saharaui se agradece enormemente, le hacen falta gestos de personas de renombre internacional capaces de comprometerse como lo haces y que nos ayuden a hacer de “pe pito grillo” con los gobiernos de turno. ¿No crees que una gran película “comercial” sobre los saharauis podría ayudar a crear conciencia y a sacudir a la opinión pública? ¿Estarías dispuestos desde la plataforma a llevarla a cabo?,¿O no da el compromiso para tanto?

Ahora estamos contemplando el productor Álvaro Longoria y yo la realización de una película documental que abarque la historia y las posibles salidas del conflicto. Es una historia poco conocida, sobre todo fuera de España. Debemos conseguir mayor solidaridad internacional.

4. Buenas tardes Javier, ¿piensas que los representantes de la cultura, como tú, tienen una obligación moral de defender causas como la del pueblo saharaui? ¿Te afectan cuando te critican precisamente por tomar partido en este tipo de acciones? Muchas gracias y felicidades por tu trabajo. Beatriz

Bueno, no me creo representante de nada. Es sólo una acción que tomo a nivel personal. La cuestión está en crear una comunidad que comparta esa opinión personal. No pretendo divulgar mis ideas sino compartirlas y esperar que cualquier interesado se una a lo que un grupo de personas que llevan trabajando muchísimos años como José Taboada tengan una mínima representación pública para tanto esfuerzo y esperanza por el pueblo saharaui.

5. Hace 10 años que tengo acogida a una niña saharaui con sindrome de Down, en su nombre y en el de todo el pueblo saharaui gracias por tu apoyo. También dale las gracias a tu madre. Fué ella la que te animó a que viajaras a los campamentos? Sáhara libre ya!! Lourdes

Hola Lourdes. Te agradezco yo a tí que tengas este espíritu y actividad solidaria. Sin duda, una gran mayoría del pueblo español comparte el deseo de un Sáhara libre. Es muchísima la ayuda que a nivel privado recibe el pueblo saharaui y muy profundo el agradecimiento que ellos sienten por esos gestos. De hecho, sus posibilidades de superviviencia estarían muy mermadas si no fuera por la solidaridad del pueblo español. Lo básico es aumentar la ayuda humanitaria por parte del Gobierno a través de las ayudas a la educación, salud y alimentación.

6. Javier, seguro que te han pedido muchos autógrafos y ahora tu pides firmas, ¿supongo que la causa lo vale?

Sí, sin duda que lo vale. Llevamos hasta ahora 250.000 firmas y queremos recibir muchas más para entregárselas al Presidente del Gobierno, que además en el próximo año presidirá la Unión Europea y será un momento excelente para que lidere una solución pacífica y de acuerdo a la legalidad internacional, reconociendo el estatus diplomática del Frente Polisario.

7. ¿Crees que en un país tan dividido como España posicionarse políticamente significa perder espectadores?

El tema del Sáhara no es un tema partidista. Es una causa de la defensa de lo más elemental en derechos humanos. Es un pueblo que está en el desierto abandonado desde hace 34 años, fueron españoles, hablan castellano y tienen unos derechos.

8. Cuando te den el próximo premio, ¿piensas dedicárselo al Pueblo saharaui? Hubiera estado bien hacerlo en la Gala de los Oscars, ¿qué opinas? Saludos de una firmante

El año pasado al ser honrado con el Premio Nacional de Cinematografía, que incluye 30.000 euros lo dividí en tres: 10.000 para rehabilitar el Hospital de Dahla, 10.000 para ayuda asistencial a actores en paro de Aisge y 10.000 para la creación de una escuela de interpretación. Siempre que pueda recordaré al pueblo saharaui de diferentes maneras. En la época de los Oscar no había tenido todavía el privilegio de conocer en primera persona al pueblo saharaui.

9. !Buenos días Javier! La verdad es que no tengo mucha idea acerca de la causa del pueblo saharaui (He preguntado pero mucha gente desconoce el tema). ¿Podrías sintetizar y concretar de la manera más objetiva posible lo que está ocurriendo allí? Muchas gracias por todo. Que vaya todo bien. David.

El pueblo saharaui es un pueblo abandonado desde hace 34 años por el último gobierno antes de la democracia, ocupando Marruecos por la fuerza su territorio y violando el derecho que tenían para decidir libremente su futuro. En la actualidad siguen violando los derechos humanos en las zonas ocupadas del Sáhara occidental, robando las riquezas naturales de los saharauis. Lo que pedimos a través de las firmas, nos encantaría que nos ayudaras David, es que se reconozca el Frente Polisario representante del pueblo saharaui su estatus diplomático que se merece. Muchos han tenido que refugiarse en otro país, en campamentos de refugiados. Sus condiciones de vida son casi imposibles en medio de un desierto, pero es un pueblo pacífico, armado de paciencia, optimismo, generosidad y esperanza.

10. ¿Se imagina el día que se solucione la causa saharaui, celebrando el éxito de algo por lo que tanto ha luchado y tanto cree? Quiero pensar que no hay reconocimiento cinematográfico que lo iguale….

Ojalá sea así, para eso estamos intentando recabar firmas. Es básico que el Gobierno de España haga algo y para eso fundamental que escuche el apoyo popular a una causa no sólo justa sino sobre la cual tiene una responsabilidad directa e histórica.

11. ¿Antes de ayudar al Sahara…………no habria que ayudar a muchos en España?…………o simultaneamente

No creo que una cosa quite la otra. Desgraciadamente, hay muchísimos frentes abiertos por todo el mundo. Mi vida me llevó a los campamentos de refugiados y ser testigo de una injusticia que nos atañe directamente como españoles. En este país y en otros muchos hay situaciones de injusticia y lo que creo que es importante es que todos hagamos todo lo que podamos por muy poco que sea para denunciarlas.

12. es loable tu labor en la plataforma “todos con el sahara” (uno de los cientos de conflictos inhumanos que hay en el mundo) …pero aun crees que vale para algo , cuando se ha demostrado en este caso y en otros tantos que las manifestaciones, firmas y demas formas de peticiones populares solo sirven para justificar esta falsa democracia imperante en el mundo, como al perro que le permiten ladrar pero no morder a su amo, es decir, a los amos del mundo o elite mundial que maneja a la sombra a nuestros titeres gobernantes y con ello a nuestras patrias, ideologias y religiones mediante o justificandose o enmascarandose en organismos supranacionales de todo tipo que van desde el vaticano a la ONU, OTAN , OMS o Union europea.

Creo que sí que sirve para algo. La Historia nos ha enseñado que los pueblos que luchan y resisten al final tienen su recompensa. www.todosconelsahara.com

13. Hola Javier, la mayoría de las personas que han visto de cerca al pueblo saharaui quedan hechizadas por su forma de entender la vida y su terrible realidad ¿podrías resumir en unas pocas palabras qué hace tan especial a esta sociedad? Un abrazo!

El pueblo saharaui se define por su hospitalidad y su generosidad ilimitada. Estar con ellos es realmente una experiencia, y no quiero ponerme cursi, altamente purificadora, en el sentido en que representan todo lo positivo del ser humano a nivel solidaridad, paciencia, compromiso, esperanza y afecto hacia el prójimo, aun viviendo en lo que yo llamé “el patio trasero del infierno”. Por eso todo el mundo que los conoce se queda inmediatamente enganchado a su causa.

14. cual crees que debería ser la próxima o la definitiva acción ciudadana, tanto de españoles como de saharauis, dado el momento en el que se encuentra la situación de conflicto, cada vez más olvidado y estancado, para que el estado español reaccione de una vez ante nuestras voces de que queremos un sahara libre de la ocupación marroquí, con un plan de autodeterminación que les deje elegir libremente? SAHARA LIBRE YA

Desde aquí le pido al Gobierno español que haga todo lo posible para liderar o ayudar a liderar una solución aprovechando que hay una nueva administración americana, un nuevo impulso en las negocioaciones y nuestro Gobierno presidirá la Unión Europea, es un momento para dar prioridad a la solución del conflicto. De ahí que pidamos el apoyo a través de las firmas en www.todosconelsahara.com

15. ¿Por qué no se manifiesta ahora por la guerra de Afganistán como lo hizo en el 2004 por la de Irak?¿Realmente le afecta que haya este tipo de conflictos o sólo le interesa según el partido que gobierna?

Tanto en Irak como en Afganistan se trata de respetar y aplicar las resoluciones de las Naciones Unidas. Para el Sáhara también. En este momento las resoluciones de las Naciones Unidas para el Sáhara reconocen el derecho de autodeterminación del pueblo saharaui. Lo que hay es que aplicarlas.

16. Estimado Sr. Bardem, le pregunto como portavoz de “Todos con el Sahara”. ¿No cree usted que la la causa del pueblo saharaui sería más apoyada por el pueblo español si los representantes del Sahara tuvieran un posición firmemente en contra de los ataques y atentados que se cometieron contra civiles (fundamentalmente tripulaciones de pesqueros) y militares españoles por parte del Frente Polisario durante los años del protectorado?. Muchas Gracias

Desde que se firmó el Alto el Fuego entre Marruecos y el Frente Polisario siempre por parte de los saharauis se han buscado soluciones pacíficas democráticas. Tenemos que demostrarles desde los países democráticos que es real la posibilidad de una solución pacífica. De hecho, es importante este punto porque debido a las condiciones infrahumanas en las que están muchísimos de los jóvenes, lamentablemente se están planteando volver a la lucha armada. Por eso es básico y urgente buscar soluciones antes de que explote la situación.

17. Javier con todo lo que tienes…….que seguramente te habrá costado… piensalo un poco…..sonrie…..nos gustas….eso es todo.

¿No me ves sonriendo en la foto? Estoy muy contento de estar con vosotros compartiendo este tema que nos afecta a todos.

18. ¿Cuál es tu opinión de Mohamed VI y la excelente sintonía de éste con José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero y S.M. el Rey Juan Carlos I?

La buena relación entre España y Marruecos debe ayudar a buscar soluciones en el conflicto. Marruecos tiene 100.000 soldados en el Sáhara. No puede seguir en esa situación mucho tiempo. Los amigos están para ayudarse y buscar soluciones. Aprovechemos la buena relación que tienen los líderes de ambos países también para eso.

19. Hola Javier. Enhorabuena por tu trabajo como actor. ¿Qué te llevó a implicarte tanto en la causa saharaui?¿Qué mas crees que podemos hacer los españoles “de a pie” para ayudar al pueblo saharaui aparte de firmar vuestro manifiesto?. P.D.: ¿Cuales son tus proximos proyectos como actor? (Eres el mejor, sigue siempre así, te queremos!!)

Te agradezco mucho tu apoyo. Lo que todos podemos hacer es visitar a los saharauis, ayudarles materialmente, denunciar a través de la plataforma u otras asociaciones de amistad su situación. Referente a mis proyectos, estoy a punto de rodar una película que me exige entrar en la cuerda de la comedia romántica. O sea, que me voy a reír mucho. El objetivo es pasármelo bien y que el espectador lo disfrute. Ojalá…

20. ¿ Que piensa que el presidente de Andalucia vaya a marrueco y manifieste que esta de acuerdo con los Planes de ese pais para no facilitar la libertad del pueblo/sahara?

Me parece muy mal. Espero que la postura del señor Griñan no sea la postura del PSOE ni del Gobierno. Tenemos una responsabilidad histórica frente al pueblo saharaui y no la podemos olvidar.

21. Como es posible que on el dni (antigu) español no se pueda nacionalizar de forma inmediata un habitante del Sahara?

Sáhara Occidental era la 53 provincia española hasta 1975. Así lo estudiamos en el colegio. Tenían el DNI como cualquier otro español. Lo guardan como un tesoro. Algunos después de muchos papeleos pueden recuperar la nacionalidad que tuvieron y que nunca han perdido. Ellos se sienten muy cercanos a los españoles, hablan castellano como segunda lengua oficial y su plato típico es la tortilla de patata.

22. Javier, qué acceso tiene un pueblo como el saharaui al cine?

Todos los años se celebra un Festival que organizamos desde España para llevarles películas. Se proyectan en pantalla grande, en mitad del desierto, bajo las estrellas. Estamos llevando videotecas a cada campamento. Y estamos construyendo una escuela de formación audiovisual que inauguraremos en abril del 2010, en el próximo festival.

23. Le felicito por su labor y su voz con “Todos por el Sáhara”, también por sus interpretaciones como actor, pero sobre todo por ser como es. ¿En que le ha cambiado al vida al obtener un oscar?, si es que la vida le ha cambiado. Un abrazo.

El Oscar es un reconocimiento profesional que me hace mucha ilusión y sobre todo lo que es es una gran excusa para emborracharte con los amigos. Más allá de eso, lo importante es intentar aprender cada día más para entender finalmente que no tienes ni idea, por mucho Oscar que haya. No, la verdad es que no me ha cambiado nada la vida.

24. Hola Javier.Como actor ¿interpretarías cualquier papel o tienes tus “tabús”?. Me creo todos tus personajes. Gracias.

Los tabues son para los supersticiosos. A mí, la verdad, es que me gusta interpretar todo aquello que me conmueva y tenga un sentido contar.

25. Que tipo de ayudas concretas estias realizando en el Sahara? La semana pasada conocí a una persona que ha realizado pozos de agua en tres poblados indígenas de Senegal y me pareció algo admirable.

La plataforma ‘Todos con el Sáhara’ busca firmas para el apoyo por parte del Gobierno español a los saharauis. Hay otras organizaciones no gubernamentales, ‘Todos con el Sáhara’ no es una ONG sino una plataforma para darles voz, que se encargan de desarrollar proyectos de ayuda humanitaria. Desde aquí mi reconocimiento a su trabajo.

Despedida

Muchas gracias a todos por vuestro apoyo y ojalá que con vuestras firmas en www.todosconelsahara.com consigamos darle la voz que merece el pueblo saharaui que digna y pacíficamente resiste y espera una solución. Siento no haber contestado a todas las preguntas, sé que han llegado muchas de otros temas, pero hoy y siempre lo importante es ayudar a la gente que lo necesita. Los saharauis necesitan la ayuda de todos. Por favor, si estáis de acuerdo, unid vuestra firma al manifiesto que está colgado en www.todosconelsahara.com Un abrazo a todos.

Fuente original: http://www.elmundo.es/encuentros/invitados/2009/10/3822/index.html

Sunday, October 4, 2009

There was a little boy...

When he was good he was very, very good….

Oscar: ‘I don’t want to grow up to be big like daddy.’

Me: ‘No? Why not?’

Oscar: (indignantly) ‘I’m not a baby though!’

Me: ‘No. I didn’t say you were a baby.  I asked why you didn’t want to be big like daddy?’

Oscar: ‘Cos I’m just right. I’m just Oscar. That’s all.’

Me: ‘Well, that’s a fair point, but don’t you want to be big like daddy so you can drive cars?’

Oscar: ‘No. Daddy can drive them for me.’

Me: ‘Good point, well made.’

Oscar: ‘If I grow big like daddy it will make my tummy all sore because it will just stretch and stretch like this.’ He demonstrates with much writhing and anguished face pulling.

Me: ‘Ah! Well maybe you could be like Peter Pan and never grow up.’

Oscar: ‘NO! NO! NO! I AM JUST OSCAR.’

Me: ‘Alright. It was only an idea.  Do I have to grow up to be big like daddy?’

Oscar: ‘But you are big like daddy. You are just a mummy.’

Me: ‘But I don’t have a beard like daddy do I?’

Oscar: ‘No!’ in a tone of horrified delight.

Me: ‘Maybe I should grow a beard like daddy so that I can be a proper big grown up person.’

Oscar: ‘No!’ he giggles and starts stroking my chin.

Me: ‘What if I grew a great big bushy beard and birds came to sleep in at night and tried to pull worms out of my ears? Wouldn’t that be good?’

Oscar: ‘Yes! Yes! And they will go tweet, tweet, tweet!’ He scrunches his eyes up (like a bird) and flaps round the room excitedly with his tweets escalating to falsetto trills.

And when he was bad, he was horrid…

Oscar: ‘Mummy! You are not my best friend any more.’

Me: ‘Oh. O.k. then Oscar. Thank you for letting me know.’

Oscar: clearly displeased that this is not having the devastating effect he had hoped for: ‘And. And I wish you would disappear away to a magical land where you can live and I can stay here with daddy.’

Me: ‘That sounds fantastic. Thank you Oscar.’

Jason to Oscar: ‘I wish mummy would do that too Oscar.’

Oscar: Delighted to have back up: ‘Yes! That is right mummy. Hah!’

Jason: ‘But only on the condition that she invites me to come and live there with her.’

Oscar: ‘Oh!’ subtext: ‘Curse you parents! You have not fallen into the slough of despond and now I will have to find new and more evil ways to taunt you.’

All Work, No Play

(written circa 1999) This article is primarily for Dads. Well, and for any single guy who ever plans on someday becoming a Dad. Or any woman who might have a baby who might someday grow up to become a Dad. What the heck, it’s for anybody.

The subject is that of a classic flub made for the most part by men when it comes to the issue of that ambiguous term, “Quality Time”. While, thankfully, this does not apply to all men it unfortunately happens to far too many men and not realized until it is very late. Hopefully we can remedy that here.

For most men, the birth of their first child is probably the moment of most striking responsibility they have ever had laid upon them in their entire lives. Suddenly he is no longer the free-spirit who could wander the world with his care-free bride as he pleased. Now there is this fragile hope of life that looks up at him with total trust that, no matter what, Dad is gonna make a workable plan to see that there’s enough food, clothes, shelter and toys for the next eighteen years or so. And so Dad starts taking his job a bit more seriously. Maybe he’ going back to school to better himself, working overtime to increase his check or shoot for that internal promotion within the company.

Despite all the changes that have occurred with the equalization of women in the marketplace and society one thing has yet to change.. the fact that men and women are different. Children still seek out their Mothers for comfort when they get a boo-boo and look to Dad as the maker of Rules and all around strong man who also happens to know just about everything. (At least until the kids get to be teenagers, then all their brilliance is suddenly ancient.) Even with a working Mom, she is often the one who will put in a full day at work and still do a majority of the cooking, cleaning and nurturing at home. With so many absent Fathers due to divorce or separation this is not entirely uncommon.

Meanwhile Father is busy working and splitting up the rest of his time either on home-projects, hopefully time with his wife, possibly schooling, hobbies and seeking an occasional afternoon of rest on the weekend. Dad has work, school, wife, kids, fix-up projects, budgets, bills, car maintenance, vacation planning and a wide variety of other things all battling for his time. This is the point at which too many men have made an error in their priorities.

I can say from observation and personal experience that it becomes very easy for men to believe something that ultimately robs them of precious time with their children. It is the rational that says, “The kids get plenty of attention from their Mother, I need to be free to focus on all these other issues.” As well intentioned and reasonable as it may sound, what in effect happens is that Dad excludes himself over time from the intimacy of being alone with his kids. Eventually even the thought of ‘watching the kids’ without his wife present seems to be a catastrophic event to be avoided at all costs. Dad gets weaned from being alone with the kids to such a point that he becomes unfamiliar in the joys that are there to be had.

Married at one time for ten years I saw myself fall slowly into this same trap. The first seven years were nominal although most of the nurturing was already being done by my wife at the time. During the last three years when finances and other problems were more stressful I found myself more often just ‘near’ the kids and not really ‘with’ them. The trap of delegating my Dad-time away had finally set in.

As happens with many men, it was not until after a divorce that I began to realize two very important things. One was that I loved my kids very much, missing them greatly during the week. The other that I was utterly incompetent at having them alone with me for more than twenty minutes. A lot can happen when you’ve got three boys on your hands.

Right away, unwilling to lose any more ties with them I steadily had them with me on my allotted weekends. I thought long and hard during the time in between as to what kind of relationship they needed from me. ‘Consistency’ was very important. I wasn’t going to juggle my time with them any more. Our weekends were our weekends, no schedule changes at the last minute. ‘Quality’ time meant we would spend time being ‘together’ and not just in the same place. That meant that I was -not- going to think up some carnival/circus/Disneyland experience for them every time they came over to keep them entertained. Instead we learned to cook together, (or that failing, went for pizza together). We went grocery shopping or to the park to play ball-tag. We went for picnics in the mountains and at the beach. Nature walks and the planetarium or sometimes just a weekend hanging out playing computer games and munching out on snacks over a video or two.

Since then, in these last six years, I actually spend more time being ‘with’ my kids than ever before. Not just ‘near’ them in vicinity. Three years ago I added Wednesdays as our Special Day where I can spend the afternoon with just one of them on a rotating schedule so that we can talk about anything they can’t talk about when it’s all four of us. It’s a time we look forward to that has been placed as priority these three years so that they know they will have their special time with me no matter how busy I get. This year we instituted our first annual ‘Rosarito Boyz Time-Out’ Mexico vacation which I hope we can continue to do even as they grow to be young men.

The reason I point out my personal experience is to show that even despite learning such a lesson so late there is always something that can be done to begin remedying it. Children need to see that kindness, compassion, love and attention are virtues their Fathers possess as well as their Mothers. True, some men do not have these virtues and are a vicious influence that children need to be protected from. But I speak to those who ache to correct the time missing in their lives to ‘know’ their children as they grow up.

If you are still married, do not wait until you can only visit your children to realize how important it is you be with them. If you are as yet unmarried, consider how having children is much more than birthing them and supplying for their financial needs. For if you are willing to make whatever changes necessary in order to be a part of your child’s personal life you will find a satisfaction that outweighs any victory over the other stresses and demands made on your life.

In the process this may mean learning to change diapers, settle disputes, clean up spilled drinks, apply bandaids, give hugs and even some edible cooking skills. But in the end you will have crafted exquisite moments of time that are exceedingly worth the effort.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Lucy's going to heaven...who's driving?

As we gathered around her bed Mom told Nine, Ten and Eleven that Lucy was going to Heaven soon.

Without skipping a beat Eleven said, “Who’s driving her?’

Rim shot please!

Thanks God and Eleven for the comic relief.

Eleven get’s cranky on long rides. We usually travel in multiple vehicles. She was probably going to jockey for the car with her favorite family members riding along.

Sorry honey, you can’t go on this ride…please don’t go.