Reading the Mercury’s yearly Sex Survey (http://post.portlandmercury.com/portland/survey/page?surveyid=2174274) I was struck by one of the first five questions on there:
“Currently I’m (check the closest that applies):
single
in a relationship
cohabitating
engaged
married
divorced
widowed
in relationship limbo”
and found it terribly lacking in the scope of how one could answer.
Now, for those of you not from around these parts, the Portland Mercury is admittedly not known for its high journalistic integrity and in-depth, accurate reporting – but I still found myself appalled by the question – or at least the complete absence of follow-up questions I would have expected to be broached by a fairly outlandish newsrag. I mean, even, “Check ALL that applies” would have given you a better picture of what we’re working with here. –And because “sex” is one thing and “relationships” are quite another and I am (currently) more curious about how people classify relationships than their sex life – I felt a bit cheated. This one question surely can merit its own 20 or more questions.
So, rather than walk away feeling dissatisfied, I am conducting my own survey to get a little sampling of the 400 or so friends I have here on FB on this one Small question of “relationships.”
Some Guidelines:
o Cut and paste the questionnaire to a document and send according to the directions below.
o Try to stay within the spirit of the questionnaire
o Be honest – I will not publish this with names or share your personal information with anyone else.
o If you are currently in a relationship – try doing the survey apart and submitting it – THEN set a date to share your answers.
o OR send the survey in together so I can identify that you are a couple (triad, W, etc)
o OR if you are single, please scroll down to the bottom of the survey after the initial 4 questions to question #14 to discuss your last 3 relationships.
o OR if you’re single, answer in whatever way you deem fit (adding notations so I can get where you’re coming from) because I don’t want anyone feeling under-represented
o Note: There are fill in questions at the end of the survey.
Feel free to:
o Circle and check as many as applies to you.
o Add notations for clarity’s sake.
o Add “Other” with explanations wherever you feel the answers provided are insufficient.
o Copy and paste the series of questions that apply to each relationship you are CURRENTLY in.
Please cut and paste the questions (as many times as needed to give me a full idea of the relationships you are in) and message them to me here OR through my email (so I can read them at work on my phone) and I’ll tally by the end of the Green Leprechaun Holiday and repost the answers around the Varmint and His Shadow Day.
Kalliste Inimitably
kallistoconcoctions@gmail.com
RELATIONSHIP SURVEY
1. I am
o female
o male
o MTF transsexual
o FTM transsexual
o Gender Neutral
o I don’t identify with your labeling
o Other:
2. I am. . .
Age range:
o 18-20
o 21-30
o 31-40
o 41-50
o 51-60
o 61 plus a year here or there
3. I like to classify myself as (check ALL that applies):
o Straight
o Queer
o Lesbian
o Gay
o Straight-leaning
o Queer-leaning
o Bisexual
o Pansexual
o Asexual
o I do not like to classify myself into your neat little boxes.
o Other:
4. Currently I am (check ALL that applies)
o Single
o In a relationship with myself
o In a relationship
o In multiple relationships
o Cohabitating
o Engaged
o Dating
o Married
o Divorced
o Widowed
o In relationship limbo
o Mother # of children___________ ages of children ___________
o Father # of children___________ ages of children ___________
o A parent/guardian, but they are not my children. # of children___________ ages of children ___________
o Other:
My current partner is (answer first 4 questions as they would identify):
Cut and paste #’s 1 – 4 here:
5. Currently I classify that (those) relationship(s) as:
(Check ALL that applies, or paste this multiple times for further clarification on each relationship: i.e. Relationship Q, R & S)
o Committed
o Non-committed
o Monogamous
o Non-monogamous
o Open
o Closed
o Meaningful
o Passing the time
o Primary
o Secondary
o Tertiary
o W
o Triad
o Swinging
o Other:
6. I have been in this relationship for:
______ days
______ months
______ years
______ decades
7. I would say that I _______ this partner:
o Am in love with
o Am in lust with
o Am mostly friends with
o Partially out the door
o In it for convenience
o Love
o Falling in love with
o Have no feelings for
o Settling with
8. I would classify this person as:
o My Lover
o My Boy/Girl Friend
o My Primary Partner
o My Sex Toy
o My Life Partner
o My Domestic Partner
o My Spiritual Partner
o Strictly a Friend with Benefits
o Friend with Plus Benefits
o Undecided Yet
o My Slave/Master/Dom/Sub/Daddy/Momma
o Other:
9. I consider this relationship:o Happy & Loving
o Successful
o A total bust
o It has its redeeming qualities
o To have its moments
o A+ A A-
o B+ B B-
o C+ C C-
o D+ D D-
o Satisfying
o Satifactory
o Barely Passing
o Dead, but can be resuscitated
o Done, but not over
10. This relationship meets my __________ intimacy needs:
5 (highly) ————————3 (modicum) —————————–1 (not at all)
o Physical
o Sexual
o Energetic
o Emotional
o Creative
o Communication
o Intellectual
o Spiritual
o Self
11. Are your current agreements:
o Clear (in MY mind)
o Clear (in BOTH our minds)
o Written
o “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell”
o Committed, so we don’t need to talk about it
o We’ve never really talked about it
o Understood
o Assumed
o Default
o I don’t know what our current agreements are.
12. According to our agreements I have
o Been Faithful
o Been Faithful to the Letter, but not to the Spirit
o Been Faithful to the Spirit, but not to the Letter
o Begrudgingly Faithful
o Cheated
o Cheated and Busted
o Cheated and Gotten Away with It
o Don’t believe in one end of the spectrum over the other.
o To each their own apartment/room/house
o Cohabitating
o Partially living at each person’s place
o I or My partner lives in another town/state/country
o I or My partner travels for long/short periods of time
o I leave my things at their house
My past 3 relationships were:
Cut and paste questions #5 thru 12
14. The longest relationship I’ve been in to date lasted:
o ______ days
o ______ months
o ______ years
o ______ decades
o What’s a “relationship”?
15. I consider my longest relationship to be:
o Successful
o A total bust
o Has its redeeming qualities
o A+ A A-
o B+ B B-
o C+ C C-
o D+ D D-
o Barely Passing
o Dead, but can be resuscitated
o Done, but not over
16. I am currently IN my longest relationship to date.
o Yes
o No
o Possibly
17. What is your communication style with your current partner?
o Assertive
o Aggressive
o Passive/Aggressive
o Depends on the phase of the moon
18. My own communication style is:
o Expresser
o Socializer
o Relater
o Analytical
19. My two primary “Love Languages” are:
o Words Of Affirmation
o Quality Time
o Receiving Gifts
o Acts Of Service
o Physical Touch
20. I believe my partner’s two primary “Love Languages” are:
o Words Of Affirmation
o Quality Time
o Receiving Gifts
o Acts Of Service
o Physical Touch
21. I am able to “speak” my partner’s love languages:
o YES! I’m quite the linguist!
o No, that language is completely foreign to me
o Sometimes
o I think I do
o Mostly, but need reminding/encouragement
o Usually, but sometimes I am too tired to speak it
22. My partner knows how to communicate in MY love language:
o Mmm, YES!
o Um, No. Unfortunately, no
o Sometimes
o Mostly, but need reminding/encouragement
o Usually, but sometimes they are too tired to speak it
23. I have made an effort to communicate clearly how my needs can be met:
o On an ongoing basis
o Not really
o Sometimes
o Mostly, but need reminding/encouragement
o Usually, by nagging
o I was never asked to
o I haven’t thought to
24. My partner has made an effort to communicate clearly how their needs to be met:
o On an ongoing basis
o Not really
o Sometimes
o Mostly, but need reminding/encouragement
o Usually, by nagging
o I never asked them
o They haven’t thought to
25. Are you able to stay connected in your love with your partner when fighting?
o YES
o No
o Sometimes
o Mostly, but need reminding/encouragement to stay connected
o Usually, but sometimes they just push me too far
26. When I fight with my partner I usually am:
o Able to stay grounded and clear
o Analytical
o Emotional
o Reasonable
o Irrational
o Too angry to speak for a while
o I shy away from conflict
o I have to sort out my feelings, then come back to the fight
o Other:
27. When fighting with my partner I:
o Embrace conflict
o Address the Issues/Behaviors, not my partner
o Listen Respectfully
o Keep eye contact
o Speak softly
o Blame
o Tend to patronize
o Get defensive
o Get curious, not defensive
o Try to “fix” it
o Ask for specifics
o Find points of agreement
o Make concessions
o Give in
o Make peace
o Look for options
o Run and Hide
28. When it is time to apologize I:
o Express regret
o Accept responsibility
o Make restitution
o Genuinely repent
o Request forgiveness
o Avoid it and hope I don’t have to
o I never apologize
o I rarely apologize, because I am rarely wrong
o Expect my partner to bring it up before I apologize
29. Do you feel like your partner needs to “change” (behavior, speech, dress, friends, whatever) in order for you to be ‘happy’ with them?
o YES
o No
o Sometimes
o Waiting for that day
o Only if it suits them
o Terrible, heartbroken
o I’m okay with the idea
o Scared
o Devastated, I couldn’t go on
o Secretly wanting it
o Ambivalent
o I’m dumping them tomorrow, before they break up with me
31. What feelings arise when you think about your partner having sex with someone else?
o Curiously aroused
o Sick in the pit of my stomach
o Happy for them (compersion)
o Angry
o Ambivalent
o Indifferent
o Depends on with whom
o Depends on what our agreements were at the time
o Depends on my mood
o Depends on I can be involved, too
o I love this fantasy!
o Love the fantasy, but wouldn’t want it to actually happen
32.. Have you ever been in love with more than one person at the same time?
o YES!
o Mmm, No.
o Waiting for that day
o Don’t think it’s possible
33. Could you see yourself being in a lifelong romance with your current Lover?
o YES!
o Mmm, No.
o It’s our goal
o Don’t think it’s possible
34. Other questions I think you should ask on your next quiz about relationships:
35. Other questions I think you should ask on your next questionnaire about sex:
36. Other questions I think you should ask on you next questionnaire about intimacy/romance:
***This survey copyrighted by Kalliste aka Sexy/Smart Mama***
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